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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25121602">MELANCOLIA</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/clownpostur/pseuds/clownpostur'>clownpostur</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Madagascar (Movies), Penguins of Madagascar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Captain Chantel DuBois, Dave the Octopus, Dr. Octavius Brine - Freeform, F/M, Forbidden Romance, Help, Please Forgive me, a real fever dream, how has my life come to madagascar fanfiction how, just imagine bad romance is playing very quietly the entire time, kind of somewhat a parody, madagascar, pretty angsty, sorry this fic is so rushed i dont have time to flesh out everything like i want to wahh, there is some blood and junk like that fyi i couldnt find an appropriate warning lol, thought a lot about octodad while making this, very silly, why did I write this</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:08:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>39,326</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25121602</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/clownpostur/pseuds/clownpostur</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Prequel to Madagascar 4 (War 4 Humanity) <br/>A semi-satire and semi-angsty fanfiction about love, death and octopuses.<br/>Taking place not too long after the events of the PoM movie, this story revolves around the unlikely and disturbing partnership between Madagascar's most, uh, interesting antagonists-- a depressed, octopus simp and a feral, bloodlusting animal control officer. Can Dave keep his true octopus identity a secret from his psycho "girlfriend"? Will this just become an edgy version of Octodad? Will DuBois beat Dave to death? Why is Dr. Blowhole here? What is going on? Find out next in this very weird, and probably very short fanfiction that just goes to show my life is in shambles</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dr. Octavius Brine/Chantel DuBois</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i've been writing this in my spare time for my own entertainment, but then i figured why not share my degeneracy with the rest of you poor unfortunate souls?<br/>i should note that this is my first time using this cursed site so i don't know jack and my formatting is probably going to be disgusting i am so sorry.................i swear it looked nicer on my google doc lol<br/>life is a little busy at times so i'll do my best to get new chapters out as soon as i can</p><p>this is what my life has come to</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Tonight at 10,  the question on <strong>everybody’s</strong> minds: Where on Earth is Doctor Octavius Brine, and is he alive? The world renowned geneticist has been  declared missing after his mysterious disappearance last week during the missing  penguin crisis rally in New York City.  But these aren’t the only questions being raised about the famed doctor-- animal activists around the globe are outraged, taking to social media and declaring Doctor Brine as an “animal abuser” after he returned with the missing penguins, genetically modified and altered. Many are concerned that the beloved doctor may have had ulterior motives to finding the penguins,  animal activists  claiming he was  using the rescued penguins and his unexplained plethora of what are assumed to be his pet octopi for animal testing and  cruel experiments. “#DrBrineIsOverParty” and “#CancelBrine” are currently trending on Twitter, the Internet divided over the doctor and whether or not his intentions were malicious, or simply misunderstood. The police are currently investigating the situation, but little to no evidence has been found, as Doctor Octavius Brine has disappeared without so much as a single--”</em>
</p>
<p>The news anchor's rattling was cut short as the screen flickered off, the culprit a simple employee wrapping up for the night. Dave let out an exasperated sigh as he stared out helplessly, and slumped against the snowglobe’s glass. Stuck in this torture device, sitting atop a shelf in the aquarium giftshop, Dave could do nothing but sit there, and wishfully think.</p>
<p>Part of him still believed that maybe, just <em>maybe,</em> there was some sliver of hope left for him. Hope that things would get.... better. <em>Better</em>. Ha. Who was he kidding? He yearned for the impossible. The unattainable. He knew he was a lost cause the day those stupid little baby penguins took his place. </p>
<p>He had come to realize that humans were only capable of loving things that appealed to them. What a narrow-minded species, he thought. And it wasn't just the animals, apparently they even held fellow humans up to their impossible standards. What a joke!</p>
<p> At this point, his dreams of being loved like he once was, well, they were just dreams. They were all but echoes of a former life. Even his chances of being adored as Dr. Brine was slim now, given the public seemed quite upset over the whole monster penguin invasion. Oh, well. A few apology tours later and he was sure they’d move on-- provided he ever escaped, obviously.</p>
<p>“How much longer will I be trapped in this stupid thing!?” Dave cried as he gazed miserably out of his prison. He had lost track of time, but he knew he had spent a good few days there. What had the news said? Sometime last week he had been declared missing? </p>
<p>He felt that he might go insane if he didn’t get out soon and get something to eat. How he survived even this long was a mystery, given the lack of oxygen, and the amount of glycerin and plastic snow he was definitely inhaling everyday. And he was fairly certain he already had some amount of brain damage after that little girl had shaken him for twenty minutes straight, before he was inevitably left behind AGAIN, and then mistaken by an aquarium employee as a lost knick-knack from the giftshop. Well, at least on the shelf, nobody could shake him anymore. There was a strict “no children” policy near the more delicate souvenirs. </p>
<p>Dave continued to sulk in silence, curling up around the tiny replica of New York City in his globe as he tried in futility to sleep. His dreams were the only escape he had from his hellish reality. He started to close his little red eyes...</p>
<p>  “Evening, Tim. Heading home for the night?” Dave overheard the employees’ chatter. He had nothing better to do than eavesdrop he supposed. Maybe their boring discussions would lull him to sleep.</p>
<p>“Dennis! I sure am. What about you?” </p>
<p>“Oh, same here-- straight home. I’m <em>exhausted</em>. I was assisting the handlers today, those octopuses are stubborn little bastards. Took us hours to get them all in their new tank.”</p>
<p>Dave was immediately ripped away from his depressive slump. Wait a minute! <em>OCTOPUSES?! </em>As in, not just an OCTOPUS (which was already amazing on its own) but MULTIPLE OF THEM??? Could it be-- could THEY be…? He pressed his squishy self against the glass, listening intently. He couldn’t help but smile a little.</p>
<p>“I was wondering how that went! Gosh, and seven of them. Must be quite the exhibit!”</p>
<p>“Uh-huh. All rescues too, apparently they were some of uh, Dr. Brine’s. His pets, or whatever. The only ones anybody managed to catch. The poor things were lurking around the remnants of his submarine. Heard it was totaled. Not sure what happened, but I heard it was wild….”</p>
<p>Yes! <strong>YES</strong>! A few of his beloved and loyal henchmen, he knew it! This changed everything. Things were becoming much less bleak. If he could just locate them, surely they could break out, they were good at that kind of thing. Break out, head to the ocean and regroup with the rest.  Return to their deserted island base, and first and foremost turn himself back to normal. He couldn’t handle being a tiny useless baby anymore-- it was so inefficient.</p>
<p>As Dave listened in on the humans’ conversation again, he realized that they must have finished up while he had been plotting. They said their short goodbyes and began parting ways. He watched as one unfolded the security gate over the entrance, officially closing up the gift shop for the night. The men soon disappeared, lights dying behind them until the entire aquarium was left in nearly complete darkness. All that remained was the turquoise  reflection from the tanks that vaguely illuminated the hallways. The people were gone, and Dave was left to that excruciating silence once more. But not for long. </p>
<p>Once Dave decided the coast was clear, he began violently thrashing his soft little body against the glass. He had no plan, other than rocking this thing until it tipped over and shattered. Did he risk the possibility of even more brain damage and some nasty glass cuts? Maybe even death? Yes. Was he afraid? No. Dave feared nothing anymore. He had a clear shot at freedom, and he wasn’t going to just miss it. He was ACHING to get back into his villainous groove.</p>
<p>The snowglobe started to teeter on its base a bit, the momentum Dave was creating eventually tipping it onto its side. He let out a triumphant yell as it began rolling now, although the triumphant tone in his voice quickly turned to terror as it rolled right off the shelf and onto the floor. In the brief moment in which Dave was plummeting to the ground inside that snowglobe, he saw his entire life flash before his eyes. Well, more or less his entire life, it was mostly just memories of those dumb penguins. In that split second he realized how much he had let them consume his life. It was kind of sad. </p>
<p>In a tiny explosion of glass and glycerin mixed water, the snowglobe was shattered, the curse broken. Dave laid there for a moment, recuperating himself and his thoughts. He was motionless for a bit, until he managed to muster up his strength again, stumbling back onto his tentacles. He found himself coughing and trembling, the air a lot cooler than he remembered. He supposed time in a snowglobe would do that to you. But it was good to be free. Air was a liberty he'd never take for granted again… even if he was an octopus.</p>
<p>"Now, back to the business at hand!" Dave announced to himself. He managed to slip over the glass shards without so much as a scrape, crawling his way toward the exit. He cast a final glance over his back at the snowglobe's remains, deciding he'd start collecting something else from now on... </p>
<p>Dave came up to the security gate, staring up at it briefly before he squeezed through the bars with ease. He grinned at the gate behind him victoriously. No prison could hold him! He was an unstoppable force of destruction.</p>
<p>It didn't take him long to spot the giant banner that dangled from the ceiling; "CREEPS OF THE DEEP! NEW OCTOPUS EXHIBIT." Dave was ecstatic, although part of him felt a familiar pang of sorrow as he read the title. He kept reading and found out it wasn't too far down. </p>
<p>Dave continued crawling down the hallway, quickly observing the aquariums around him. He noted the bewildered and confused looks from the fish and other marine life from within the tanks, only grinning smugly as he passed by. They were none of his concern. </p>
<p>Eventually he came up to one of the biggest aquariums of them all, a massive centerpiece, the others paling in comparison to its size. Dave stared up at it in awe, feeling especially insignificant and tiny in that moment. He tried to imagine what it'd be like on the other side, smiling and performing little tricks as the horde of humans cheered on and--</p>
<p><em>STOP!</em> What was he thinking?! Those days were long gone, and he had to learn to accept that. He was a boring old octopus, no longer an object of human adoration like he once was. Penguins had taken up that space now. Penguins, and alllll the other "cute"animals of the world. He felt sick to his stomach. </p>
<p>Sudden movement caught Dave's eye, snapping him back to reality. It was then he spotted the first octopus. They were clinging to a large rock, blending in quite well until they noticed Dave. Immediately, their skin returned to its natural red hue, and their eyes popped open wide. They flung themself against the glass, staring down in disbelief at their former boss. Dave could hear their shocked "blurblurblurb."</p>
<p>"Oh, joyous day!" Dave rubbed two of his tentacles together in excitement. "It's good to see an old face! It REALLY is--" </p>
<p>The commotion must have woken the other octopuses, because just mere seconds later, five more eager octopus faces were glued to the glass. Dave was lucky he had been such a great boss. His henchmen loved him. Or, at least they loved the free fish meals and pay.</p>
<p>"Tom, Kenny, Steven, Tyler, Ben, AND Jerry?! You're ALL here?!? Wooow! Well let's not waste any more precious time gentlemen. We're going home!" Dave skittered a few feet back and gestured towards their aquarium.</p>
<p>"Quickly! Use your freakish octopus strength to break out of there!" </p>
<p>With several gurgles of agreement, the henchmen began slamming against the glass in unison. It was a beautiful  illustration of the power in numbers as six octopuses started breaking this massive wall of glass. They all looked like they were going to vomit by the third slam, but they weren’t so easily deterred. Dave noticed the first cracks and braced himself for the flood.</p>
<p> Small streams of water were bursting through the cracks, but it was only moments later that a massive and powerful geyser of water burst through the glass completely. It was like a grand, cinematic rendition of Dave breaking out of his snowglobe. Gorgeous, he thought.</p>
<p>The henchmen slid out with the water as it began to flood the hall, and tiny Dave was nearly swept away and crushed amidst the chaos. Luckily, in no time at all his faithful employees came slithering to his rescue. The seventh and final octopus who Dave hadn't noticed previously had grabbed him, holding him securely in one of their tentacles. Dave looked to the last octopus as well as the rest of his henchmen.</p>
<p>"DREW, CARRY ME! IT'S TIME TO GO!" </p>
<p>The seven octopuses swam in an organized formation, the gushing water carrying them down the hall. It was an exhilarating feeling. Dave spotted the exit up ahead and cheered on eagerly.</p>
<p>"WE'RE ALMOST THERE GENTLEMEN! WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF HERE!"</p>
<p> They had been swimming at such an insane speed that once they approached the exit, they couldn't stop. Truthfully, Dave thought that the doors would have broken right down, but that wasn't the case. They all slammed into the locked metal doors with a painful and juicy thud. It was a very nasty noise.</p>
<p>The octopuses slid down the door and fell into a pile, gurgling and grumbling as they tried to unscramble themselves. Drew still held Dave up in a single tentacle, above their tangle of slimy bodies. He stared down at his henchmen and urged them forward, wriggling in Drew's grip so he could point another directive tentacle.</p>
<p>"Get off your tooshies everyone! We'll just have to open it manually. Put me up there, I'll unlock it with my baby tentacles!"  Already, he could fit in almost anything, but now that he was tiny, his abilities were even further extended. Nothing was off limits. </p>
<p>The henchmen obeyed, getting back on their feet-- tentacles-- and surrounding the door. Drew set little Dave down on the door's lock, the rest watching closely. Immediately Dave shoved a tentacle into the keyhole. He grasped around wildly for the inner mechanics and working bits, trying to mimic the twisting motion of a key once he felt he had found the right spot. He stuck his tongue out in deep concentration, the henchmen watching this as if it were some sort of gameshow. </p>
<p>“Aha!” Dave cried, and with a fateful click, the heavy door had been opened. The others gurgled in celebration and began quickly filing out of the door as the last of the water gushed out. </p>
<p>For a brief moment, all of the octopuses took in their surroundings. It had been a little while since any of them had been outside, even if they still were in the thick of manmade structures. It was still the outside world. They missed that.</p>
<p>Drew was in the front of the line, since he had the honor of carrying Dave.  He held him up so that everyone could see and hear the tiny octopus as he gave his orders.</p>
<p>“Here we are,” Dave  stared up at the dark purple sky, his gaze eventually fell down to the distant horizon. There, he saw the glorious sea, just beckoning them to come home. A wide grin sprawled across his face. “We’re almost there. Now, what do you boys reckon is the quickest route?”</p>
<p>The henchmen gurgled and mumbled among themselves, arguing over which ways were the most efficient, the most safe, the most sensical, etc. Dave waited for the perfect suggestion, but none of their ideas really tickled his fancy. Rather, something else did. He eyed the aquarium’s van, which had been parked out front. </p>
<p>“We’ve hijacked vehicles before, haven’t we?” he interjected suddenly. The henchmen gurgled unanimously. </p>
<p>“Excellent! Let’s do it.” </p>
<p>One of the henchmen sounded dismayed. </p>
<p>Dave rolled his eyes. “Uhmmm,  hello?? We can’t go to prison. We’re octopuses. BESIDES, we’re not going to get caught. We’re driving it straight into the ocean, and then wah-bam! We swim right out of there.”</p>
<p>More gurgles.</p>
<p>“Precisely. Now, let’s get out of here before anyone sees us.” </p>
<p>One of the henchmen slammed a tentacle against the van’s driver-side window, the glass immediately shattering upon the impact. Of course, the vehicle’s alarm started going off, so the octopuses only moved faster. They slipped in through the broken window,  frantically taking their places.</p>
<p>Having already used his tentacles once to unlock a door, it was no problem for Dave to repeat it again this time with the van’s ignition. No key? No problem. Octopuses were overpowered creatures. The vehicle instantly roared to life,  the ear-shattering alarm finally stopping as well. The damage was already done however, as a distant security guard was already coming right their way. </p>
<p> Dave crawled onto the dashboard, noticing the penguin bobblehead that sat there, smiling. He promptly ripped its head off before taking its place, now ready to direct his men. They heard the security guard shout.</p>
<p>“Gentlemen, FLOOR IT!”</p>
<p>At once, the van shot off like a rocket, just barely grazing past the security guard. It was a group effort, some of the henchmen helping with the pedals below, another at the steering wheel, one on the gearshift, and the rest simply acting as seeing eyes, giving directions and updates on what they saw. </p>
<p>The vehicle swerved around wildly, constantly veering off the road and onto small expanses of grass and sidewalk. Dave held on for dear life to the decapitated penguin bobblehead, watching as they scarcely missed several head-on collisions with various cars and pedestrians as they hurtled down the street towards their destination. The air was filled with the constant honking of other cars as well as a plethora of cursing and screaming, and eventually, distant police sirens. </p>
<p>“FULL SPEED!” Dave shouted amongst the chaos. The henchmen obliged, all tentacles now on the gas. It was absolutely thrilling and terrifying all at once-- Dave never knew cars could go this fast! How exciting! He clung to the decapitated penguin, a wild and crazed grin on his face.</p>
<p>As he glanced out the windshield, he saw it. The glorious ocean. Maybe only a hundred feet away or so. They were <em>so</em> close. He could taste the salt water now!</p>
<p>One of the henchmen gurgled urgently, gesturing towards the red and blue flashing lights that now lit up the van’s interior. It was nearly blinding, their poor retinas were burning, but sight wasn’t necessary anymore. The ocean was literally straight ahead. It had been the exact same spot where Dave had rode in on his submarine a few days prior, when he had “brought the penguins back.” </p>
<p>“THIS IS THE FINAL STRETCH GENTLEMEN! IT’S NOW OR NEVER!”</p>
<p>The sirens were the loudest they had ever been, and the lights more blinding than ever. It was genuinely painful, and honestly, none of them would be surprised if they had lost half of their senses after this. But nothing else mattered in that moment. One thing and one thing only ran through their octopus brains: freedom. This was it.</p>
<p>The ocean was only a few feet away now, and they were running out of land. The concrete came to its end, and the endless ocean began. Dave held fast to the decapitated penguin and yelled.</p>
<p>“BRACE YOURSELVES!”</p>
<p>Like a majestic beast, the van leapt off the edge, bursting through the iron guard rail, and plunging into the ocean. The police cars skidded to a halt a few feet before, the officers frantically exiting their vehicles and signalling for backup. But they were too late. As soon as that van hit the water, all eight octopuses fled through the window. They would have never guessed. Then again, New York City seemed to be pretty notorious for all the weird junk the animals did there in the past couple of years.</p>
<p>Dave was overjoyed, flitting through the ocean water with ease alongside his henchmen, all who were enjoying the freedom of the ever spacious sea. How great it was to stretch their tentacles in their natural habitat, a place that they hardly even visited when they weren’t cramped up in snowglobes or aquarium tanks. They had always spent a majority of their time in the submarine.</p>
<p>“How wonderful this is!” Dave cheered victoriously.  From beneath the water, he could see the police officers peering over the edge of the railing with their flashlights, perhaps expecting the thief to swim up from the sinking van. Nope. Just innocent sea creatures here. They’d never know.</p>
<p>“Free at last, ahaha! Now-- shall we head on home, gentlemen? We have some serious business to attend to. Serum effects to reverse. Vengeance to deal. Lives to ruin. Oh! And a fancy backup submarine I had specially made on the rare occasion the other one got blown up-- which it did!-- perks to being a rich geneticist. Are we ready boys?”</p>
<p>The henchmen gurgled keenly.</p>
<p>Dave grinned deviously.</p>
<p>“Well, let’s get to it.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The journey from New York to their island base was a dreadful one. What usually would have only been a day’s cruise on the submarine was now a several day perilous trek for the gang of octopuses. Dave was reminded of how wild animals had it, fending for themselves and not caring about the love and affection of mankind-- ACK! There he went again. He had to stop that..</p><p>Out here, animals just simply survived. Kill, eat, breed, die. Blegh. What a glum existence! Dave was glad he had the others with him-- as much as it embarrassed him to admit it, his natural instincts were lacking. They were there, oh yes, but not as sharp as they ought to be. Being raised in a zoo, everything had been freely given to him. Food and whatnot. His henchmen, on the other hand, consisted entirely of ocean-born octopuses. They were, in many cases, his seeing eyes and his ultimate source of information when it came to the deep blue sea. </p><p>Most of his aquatic knowledge came from them and the books he read, being a world-renowned geneticist and all. Dave did however excel in his knowledge of humans and their behavior… not that it helped much in this particular situation though. How would humans survive out in the wild like this? What would they do in such a scenario as this?  Dave shook his head and grumbled, irritated with where (once again!)  his thoughts were going. This trip was agonizing. His brains were being stupid. And he was STARVING. Only a few times did they pause to hunt a few fishy snacks, but rarely, given their determination to get home. </p><p>But, if there were any positives to this horribly long journey, it was all of the time Dave had to think over his to-do list. The henchmen were quiet most of the way there, giving him plenty of thinking time. Of course, most of his thoughts ended up veering towards how much he hated penguins, or his frustrations with humans, or tasty fish, but he got a few productive thoughts in there.</p><p>One thing he decided was how absolutely imperative it was that they set up the new submarine before anything else. It was all prepped for transportation, that was true, but it was pretty much devoid of all the materials, supplies and luxuries the last sub had. The laboratory would have to be renovated, as well as every other room. Luckily, huge renovations as such were no problem when you had hundreds of octopus henchmen. It wouldn’t take them any longer than a day. </p><p>Once the tedious was out of the way, they could REALLY get back to business. Back to the business of what? He wasn’t completely sure himself, but he knew he still wanted those penguins to pay. But wait a minute...perhaps he should aim higher this time. Why not <em>all</em> attention-basking animals? The “visually appealing” and “cute”? Gosh, now <strong>that</strong> was a thought. Dave couldn’t help but smile at the potential possibilities.</p><p>...</p><p>Some painful long hours of swimming and evil plotting passed, the octopuses nearing their limits, their energy virtually depleted. Dave had fallen asleep in one of Drew’s tentacles as he carried the tiny octopus onward.  Dave slept quite soundly, this not being the first time he had dozed off during their trek. Maybe it was a baby thing. He wasn’t consuming nearly as much energy as his henchmen were, but he was exhausted-- emotionally, at least.  Still, the others envied their boss’ ability to rest. They had almost considered sleeping themselves for a while, but they knew it was better to just get this whole journey over with as soon as possible. </p><p>Eventually, Dave woke up to one of the henchmen gently prodding him with a tentacle. Usually, he would have been pretty upset, being woken up so abruptly, but his anger quickly subsided when he realized what was going on. One of the henchmen claimed to have caught sight of land while he was scoping out the surface. </p><p>	“Land? Are you SURE?” there was a bit of doubt among them, given there had been at least four or five occasions in which the group had mistaken distant ships and fat seagulls for islands. “I’ll go ballistic if it’s another ship…” </p><p>	“BLURBURBURBURB!”</p><p>	“Okay, okay! Let’s have a little looksie for ourselves then.” </p><p>The octopuses quickly surfaced, poking their slimy heads out of the water. It was always nice to see the sky again, having been so accustomed to the endless blues and greens of the ocean. Being OCTOPUSES, you’d think they’d enjoy their natural habitat a little more, but no. </p><p>One of the henchmen gobbled again, and pointed a tentacle to the horizon. Their gazes followed, and it was then they saw it. There, sitting on the sea, with the pink-and-purple sky as its backdrop was a large dark blot. A blot that did not look like a ship, nor move like a ship,  nor a fat seagull. This blot was indeed an island, and specifically, <em>their </em>island. All decked out with their hangars and docks, and everything a secret society of villainous octopuses could ever need. Dave could hardly contain himself. </p><p>“Sweet victory!” Dave cried, doing a victorious flip out of the water. The henchmen looked beyond relieved. It was about time this road trip ended.  “We’re really almost there! Oh, how wonderful! Come then gentlemen! Let’s not waste another second. I'm having major cheese withdrawals!”</p><p>	That was the fastest they had ever swam. The group had been going at a pretty good speed their whole trip, but much like a racer approaching their finish line, they had a powerful rush of adrenaline. Nothing could have stopped them, and they essentially became underwater missiles. They were a force to be reckoned with.</p><p>	Once they were close enough to begin picking out individual details on the island, Dave noticed a large handful  of his henchmen on the docks. Yes! He knew they’d still be here! They seemed to be-- setting something up… some sort of… Dave squinted. It was hard to tell from this distance, and the spray of water was obscuring his vision.</p><p>	It took them only a few minutes to officially reach the island, the other henchmen recognizing them long before they touched the shore. They were quick to drop what they were doing, all rushing to reunite with their fellow cephalopod brethren. </p><p>The group was met with a collection of excited gurgles, the other henchmen bombarding the eight with question after question. They had been so preoccupied with greeting the returned henchmen, they hadn't even noticed that Drew was holding a miniature Dave. </p><p>Dave hissed. "AHEM!!" </p><p>Henchman Drew looked slightly embarrassed upon realizing his mistake, quickly lifting Dave up above the crowd to attract their attention. </p><p>"GENTLEMEN!" Dave exclaimed, looking upon his legion of henchmen. Instantly, the gobbles stopled, and silence fell upon the octopus horde. They all looked up in bewilderment at their tiny, tiny leader. He was dangling above them like a ragdoll. </p><p>Dave grinned and waved his tentacles around dramatically.</p><p>"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" </p><p>At first, the henchmen were baffled, all exchanging both dubious and puzzled glances. They didn't really seem to know what to think. Was that a… baby??? </p><p>Dave noticed the confusion on their faces and growled. He gave them the pouty lip.</p><p>"...Dave. It's Dave." </p><p>There was an eruption of joyful gurgles and gobbles, the crowd closing in on their beloved leader. There was still a bit of confusion but hey! They were happy their boss was alive and their paychecks were saved. </p><p>Drew was nearly trampled in the process, holding Dave up for as long as he could. Eventually he gave way, disappearing underneath the others as Dave was being passed down through the crowd.</p><p>"Haha! Yes! YES! Take me away, my loyal battalion!"</p><p>They carried him by the docks, where Dave was finally able to see what they had been setting up. He was both honored and incredibly disturbed to find out it was a shrine-- a <em>memorial</em>, dedicated to him. The henchmen avoided eye contact with it as Dave mentioned it, understanding how awkward it was now.</p><p>Dave laughed semi-uncomfortably. "<em>Wowie</em>! Lovely job everybody, had I truly been dead I would have really appreciated this! It's-- it's kind of creepy now but-- let's move on! Take me to the backup submarine. Oh! Bring some serum! We're turning me back to normal today!" </p><p>The army of henchmen began marching down the docks, others scattering to find any spare vials of the Medusa Serum. They had all been very eager to have things back to how they were. Especially Dave. It had been too long. </p><p>They halted at the edge of the docks only briefly, showing little to no hesitance as they began plunging off of the docks and into the water. The mass of henchmen led the way, swimming in a seemingly endless stream of cephalopods. They made their descent down through the ocean, escorting baby Dave to his submarine. For once, he swam himself, having the sufficient energy and motivation. He was just thrilled.</p><p>The Brine Submarine II (New &amp; Improved!) was sitting idly in a gigantic cave system beneath the island. The entire thing was submerged in water except for the entrance, which conveniently rested in the large air chamber at the top of the cave. It was quite the miracle such a cave existed and within such a close proximity; it was not easy hiding a massive octopus-shaped naval vessel. But boy, did they do it!</p><p> It was built shortly after Dave's first submarine, often referred to as plan B. It was essentially the same as the last one, but tweaked in several different ways. It was SLIGHTLY smaller, for one, lacking a few of the spare rooms. It was made of a stronger metal, in hopes of being more resilient to whatever threats they might face. It made one wonder why they didn’t just make the original one out of the same impenetrable metal in the first place, but whatever. There was also a more rustic appeal to it, but that was only because of its extremely limited use. That, and as mentioned it didn't have much going on inside.</p><p>But the Brine Submarine II wasn’t their only means of transportation. While it was certainly the main one, occupied by most of Dave’s henchmen, they owned several miniature submarines and a handful of helicopters. They were typically meant for smaller trips, or whatever they wanted really.  Particularly useful for more stealth-based missions. </p><p>Way back when, during their larger expeditions, Dave and the majority would travel in the Brine Submarine while a dozen or more followed in the mini-subs. It was a sight to behold, that was for sure. Anyways, the mini-subs could be found closer to the docks. </p><p>Dave stared admiringly at his prized (new) submarine and sighed blissfully.</p><p>"What a beaut," he sounded like he might start crying. "She's perfect. I’m honestly a little peeved this wasn’t finished ages ago, but let’s let bygones be bygones. This is our clean slate. Let's set her up! Oh, did anybody find the leftover vials yet?" </p><p>Eager gurgles responded as one of the henchmen in the distance triumphantly held up a vial of the gooey green serum. Dave clapped his tentacles together and cheered.</p><p>"OH GOODIE! Okay everyone! Let’s get’er done!" And so the work began, his loyal employees racing to get the job done.</p><p>…</p><p>Once the Brine Submarine II had been moved from the cave to the docks, the henchmen spent the next couple hours filling and decorating its interiors. In no time at all, it was looking just as spiffy and sorted as its original counterpart. It was a true work of art, both inside and outside. Not to mention, VERY aesthetically pleasing. The interior was built of many curves, twists, and repetitive patterns, perfectly reflecting the world of an octopus-- Dave’s world. It was a real terrific setup. A most excellent home for an army of octopuses. </p><p>Dave, on the other hand, was curing his baby-ness. As soon as the henchmen had got to work on the sub, he skittered off with the small serum vial. Thankfully, as theorized, drinking the Medusa Serum was just as effective as using the ray. In mere moments Dave was his old, powerful and giant octopus self again. It was however a slight hit to his self confidence, the fact that a monster-making serum turned him back to normal. Oh, well. You learned to live with it!</p><p>"Ahhh! Well it's good to be back," Dave said as he examined his tentacles with a sense of pride. The henchmen around him jumped as Dave suddenly slammed a tentacle into the wall.  It left a clear dent, and those who had seen it were visibly jarred. They had forgotten how strong he was. They were all giant octopuses, but Dave, well, he was the… giant-est! It was no wonder he was the leader. The fact he could probably beat them up, and of course, his unique intel on the human world. He was a particularly cunning one.</p><p>Dave laughed happily at the dent, grinning with a small hint of psychopathy at his all-powerful tentacles before he moved on. </p><p>“Johnny, buff that out will you?” he asked politely as he gestured to the wall. He crawled on his slimy way through the submarine.</p><p>Dave passed by the hordes of henchmen as they set up the last of the furniture and supplies, giving them his comments of encouragement and approval. He rubbed two of his tentacles together rather menacingly as he observed their labor, then sauntered off to the submarine’s control room. </p><p>There, he saw several of his henchmen already manning their stations, expectantly waiting for their helmsman, so to speak. They greeted him fervently, glad to see their boss back to normal and ready to get back on track.</p><p>“Good evening gentlemen!” Dave beamed as he plopped himself down in his chair. He firmly wrapped his tentacles around the wheel and snickered with delight. He loved doing all of the things that humans had so selfishly claimed for themselves, the things that “only humans” were capable of. Well, guess what fleshy bone sacks! He could drive vehicles too! </p><p>Dave was completely distracted, his tentacles inertly playing with the wheel as his brains  seemed to carry him away. He had been so wrapped up in his mind again, he hadn’t even noticed that one of his henchmen was trying to speak with him. Lost in his thoughts about humans yet again. Eventually, the henchman just reached over and shook him, and Dave quickly pulled himself together.</p><p>“Huh? Oh! Hey! What’s going on?” Dave’s smile was only partially genuine now.</p><p>The henchman spoke with great exigency, which immediately captured Dave’s interest. He was mildly frantic as he pulled out a small pair of  white binoculars. He presented them to Dave, sounding very disturbed about the whole thing. </p><p>“<em>What</em>?” Dave’s mushy body suddenly went rigid as he sat up straight, seizing the binoculars and studying them himself. The henchman gurgled a bit more. </p><p>He didn’t need the henchman to confirm anything, Dave knew that sharp, fancy high-tech snow-white style anywhere. Those were North Wind binoculars! <em>Drat</em>! He almost forgot! Dave violently hurled the binoculars aside and snarled. </p><p>“What a fool I’ve been! Our location-- our island has been compromised for weeks, at least!” he couldn’t believe he had forgotten how the North Wimps and the bird brains had infiltrated their island base. The night when those losers had miserably failed to rescue their sweet little Private, just hours before Dave had made his big arrival in New York. Those idiots knew where they lived! Their base was probably marked down on their digital maps and everything! “Dave’s Top Secret Base!” AGHHH!</p><p>Of course, as far as the North Wind and the penguins were concerned, Dave had been defeated, reduced to a hatchling and stuffed in a snowglobe. His submarine went up in glorious flames, and the rest of his octopus henchmen scattered. They thought they had won, so maybe there was a chance they wouldn’t even think twice to look at Dave’s base again. But he couldn’t take any chances. He could NOT risk a repeat of last time. They needed time to reorganize themselves, to properly plan and prepare for their next evil plot. That being said, their island was no longer safe.</p><p>Dave turned around and faced the others for a moment, and spoke the unthinkable.</p><p>“We need to relocate immediately,” Dave announced sternly. Astonished gurgles responded, and the henchmen around him started gossiping among themselves. Dave was quick to quiet their babble as he continued on with his words.</p><p>“We’ve been here an awful long time, gentlemen, I know that, but... it’s time to move on. We’ll never be able to plot our evil schemes in peace, not with the knowledge that the North Wimps could interrupt us at any given moment! I say we head out, search for another remote piece of land.  Somewhere humans wouldn’t even dare to set foot on. The ocean is full of those, isn’t it?”</p><p>A few quiet and slightly reluctant gobbles and gargles.</p><p>“Exactly. Exactly… We’ll find someplace. Besides-- this is our new beginning! This just might be the change we need.”</p><p>That seemed to cheer up the others somewhat, although they still weren’t all that stoked about finding a new island home. They had grown to love their private little paradise, but they supposed there were plenty more out there, undiscovered by men. And penguins. And elite undercover task forces ran by annoying British dogs.</p><p>Dave sighed and eyed the intercom. He supposed he’d have to make this announcement to the rest of the henchmen on board. It was for the best they left as soon as possible, they were already seriously pushing it with the weeks they had remained there after the initial infiltration. How absolutely infuriating! The travel was just nonstop, wasn’t it? Oh well. Dave enjoyed trips in the submarine, so he didn’t mind it at all this time. He just hoped they could find a decent deserted island… </p><p>Tapping the microphone a few tentative times, Dave cleared his throat and broadcasted the message throughout the submarine. The echo of his own voice threw him off a little, but he spoke as confident as ever.</p><p>“Attention, attention! Due to unfortunate circumstances and stupid penguins, we are evacuating this island permanently and relocating base elsewhere! Please make sure you have all of your personal belongings and possessions with you, and round up the mini-subs and choppers! Departure in…. Ten minutes! Thank you!” Dave paused and quickly leaned in to add, “Also, we will be serving tuna in the cafeteria.”</p><p>With an exasperated groan, Dave got up from his seat and pointed to one of the henchmen. </p><p>"Adam, drive her! I don’t feel like steering right now. I think I might eat some cheese and maybe cry a little, not sure. I’ll be back! Keep your eyes open gentlemen!” </p><p>With that, Dave exited the submarine conn and ambled his way towards his own private room. With the most important things on his evil to-do list done, Dave felt like it was time to reflect. Time to reflect on life and tragic things like that. </p><p>There was a lot going on in those squishy brains of his, he felt bombarded with thoughts and feelings that he knew nobody else could understand. At least not his henchmen, who were all he had, really. He was surrounded by fellow octopuses, and yet, he still felt so alone. Why was that? Was the barrier between a captive-born octopus and a wild-born octopus really that big? He guessed so.</p><p> The henchmen couldn’t understand his affections for mankind, that insatiable desire to just be seen, to be appreciated, to be loved. They went along with his crazy schemes and plans, but it was never because they shared any of the same motivations. Lots of his henchmen despised human beings, if anything. They had their share of encounters with fishermen and seafood markets. So of course they didn’t understand.</p><p>Why, WHY was he still so hung up on that? It had been years, and he still couldn’t get over it. </p><p>Dave looked up at the small water aquarium in his room. It was his bed, if you will. Probably the same size as any decently sized aquarium you’d put a handful of goldfish in. It was a nice place to rest and rehydrate himself, and of course, to wallow in his own self-pity. It was miserable! But he couldn’t stop.</p><p>As Dave crawled into his little aquarium, he thought about people. Humans. And he didn’t even bother stopping himself this time. He was much too tired to even try. So he curled up in that tank, and fell asleep, with stupid, stupid humans on his mind. That, and cheese.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i hope he gets his cheese</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Like a herd of giant metal beasts, Dave’s submarines and helicopters advanced on through the night. The Brine Submarine II led the mini-subs through ominous and unknown waters, and the choppers through dark and shrouded skies. But there was little they worried about, even in such uncertain circumstances, given both the number of octopuses and the sheer size of their metallic fleet AND flight. Surely, nothing could shake them.</p><p>While his henchmen piloted the submarine, Dave was absolutely knocked out. Surprisingly, despite falling asleep in a pretty depressed state, Dave slept wonderfully. There were no bad dreams, or any dreams at all for that matter. Just the void and whatnot. It was the first decent sleep he had had in weeks. So much had been happening, he hardly had the time to just relax.  Time to relax, and rest those weary, weary tentacles.</p><p>Dave had slept for quite some time, hours upon hours maybe. The specifics weren’t known, but by the time the giant purple cephalopod finally woke up, new land had been spotted. Deja vu, much? He only knew this because as soon as he was awake, a few henchmen barged in his room and started yelling about it. It scared Dave half to death, and he got all tangled up in the commotion. </p><p>"HAVE YOU HEARD OF KNOCKING??" Dave retorted, now a cluster of squishy limbs. He struggled to unsnarl his own appendages from each other. The henchmen murmured their apologies and quickly recoiled in their fear and regret.</p><p>Dave slithered out of his tank, and landed on the ground with a very nasty wet plop. He started to stretch his tentacles, having been all cramped up in that tank. The henchmen looked around awkwardly and waited for Dave to address them. The longer it went on though the weirder it got. They almost just left.</p><p>As he stretched his last tentacle, Dave squinted down at his henchmen and gave them a questionable look. At last, he said something.</p><p>"Now let's try that again. What?" </p><p>The henchmen were frantically dancing and pointing as they quickly explained themselves. Dave's eyes popped wide open as he fully grasped what they had been jabbering about. That’s right! Their search for new land! In his still somewhat groggy state the news hadn’t quite resonated with him at first, but now, he was just as electrified as they were. </p><p>Without any further delay he shoved his way past the henchmen and scrambled down the hall. It was a miracle his tentacles managed to keep up with him honestly.</p><p>Many of the henchmen attempted to converse with Dave as he rushed by, given he was usually the social sort, but their words barely even registered in his brains. All that was going on in there right now was LAND LAND LAND LAND LAND LAND LAND. </p><p>Dave skidded to a halt outside the submarine conn, clambering inside the door with a wild look in his eyes. The smile on his face was one of his biggest yet.</p><p>"WE FOUND LAND??" He couldn't help but yell. He was very excited!</p><p>The henchman at the wheel nodded, and motioned straight ahead. It was there, out the submarine's front windows, Dave saw an island. A HUGE island, from what he could tell. Clear sandy beaches and what seemed to be a rainforest stretching for miles behind them. It was a gorgeous place, similar to what you might see on commercials for exotic island getaways and cruises. It felt almost fictional, it was that pretty.</p><p>“Woooooowie! What a lovely--” Dave paused as he noticed something strange. Quite a ways up the beach sat a gigantic cargo ship, its anchor buried deep in the sand. Judging by the amount of rust, various green growths,  and the flock of seagulls living on top of it, the ship seemed to have been long abandoned. It must have been a few years since it anchored there, at least. </p><p>"How interesting! It looks like someone else came here, but never came back," Dave laughed morbidly. The henchmen replied with nervous chuckles.</p><p>"I say we scope this place out a bit, and decide if it's a good spot or not! At the very least, it could be a nice little pit stop. Call the others and tell them to land the choppers and surface the subs. And where’s my disguise? With that ship there I don’t want to risk any unprecedented human interactions. " </p><p>“Blurburburburb. Blurburb.”</p><p>“No, it’s just a precaution. There’s no way there’s any humans here. Not anymore at least. But it doesn’t hurt to be safe!”</p><p>Once they had stopped the submarine a short distance from the shore, Dave’s henchmen hurried off to find his disguise. In the meanwhile, Dave watched the island with a deep-seated interest-- particularly the ship. People… were there people there? It had been a long time since he talked to people (as Dr. Octavius Brine, of course). Last he heard, he had been most likely “cancelled,” so he wasn’t so sure on how everybody felt about him at that time. He took a mental note to add the apology videos to his to-do list.</p><p>Soon, the henchmen were scrabbling their way back into the conn with Dave’s classic disguise. The labcoat, the rubber gloves, the moppy red hair, the glasses, etc. One of them even brought a tall mirror. </p><p>It had been awhile since Dave had seen his beloved outfit, he couldn’t help but grin as he thought about all the good memories it brought back. Receiving all of those rewards, standing before the adoring crowds, chatting with fellow scientists and marine biologists, cheese enthusiasts! Perhaps the saddest reality was that he could only ever achieve that long gone love and affection through such a facade. Ouch.</p><p>“My old, old friend, it’s been too long,” Dave muttered as he held up his labcoat. He was staring down at the nametag that read “Dr. Brine.” </p><p>One of the henchmen gobbled something and Dave groaned.</p><p>“I know, I KNOW it's only been like two weeks, I was being DRAMATIC! I swear you guys know NOTHING about the performance arts! Just-- just help me get in this thing!”</p><p>The transformation from Dave to Dr. Octavius Brine was an interesting and highly disturbing one, definitely not for the faint of heart. Call it a hunch, but there was just something terrifying about a giant Pacific octopus mastering the human physique and wearing clothes. He had spent so many years watching humans that it almost came naturally. </p><p>So many animals had tried to integrate themselves into human society. Tried to become one of them. Dogs had gotten close, while not necessarily an actual part of their society, they were all buddy-buddy with their people counterparts. But Dave? He wasn't just a pet, or some attraction, not anymore. Now, he WAS a part of society. He had grafted himself in under the ever so clever persona of Dr. Octavius Brine, the world renowned geneticist. They saw him as one of their own. A real human being. He had infiltrated mankind, and they didn’t even realize it.</p><p> Dave was examining his disguise in the mirror, but really he was just admiring himself and how well he pulled this whole human charade off. Like, wow. Sometimes he had a hard time even recognizing his own reflection. He felt like he could almost believe it too sometimes, especially since his entire world mirrored this persona of his. Nearly every piece of equipment he owned had the “Brine” logo slapped on it. He was reminded constantly of who and what he had become, the success of his farce. It was his greatest performance yet.</p><p>Dave gave himself one more look, wriggling his “fingers” around and accustoming his squishy body to the human form once more. He forgot how fun this was, really.  </p><p>“And the translator?” Dave asked, glancing down at his henchmen. A tentacle reached up and handed him a miniature microphone of some sort. Just one of his many breakthroughs in science, Dave had managed to successfully communicate with humans via his special translator-microphone-thingamajigs. They worked to automatically translate his foreign octopus tongue to theirs.  It was the kind of invention that human scientists had wrestled with for years, but never really figured out. </p><p>Dave quickly hooked the device onto his undershirt before repositioning his labcoat. He straightened his glasses, giving himself a few final look-overs before deciding he was ready. Yep. 100% human. A totally normal guy. Nothing suspicious or odd here! Just a successful geneticist in his 40’s, with a noggin shaped like a butternut squash.</p><p>He pointed to a pair of henchmen standing beside him. “Steve, Martin, I want you two to personally escort me to the island!”</p><p>Both henchmen rejected the proposition at first, but once they saw the look of pure concentrated death in Dave’s eyes, they quickly changed their tones and accepted. </p><p>Everything had to be a grand entrance with him. Whether performing at an aquarium as the main attraction or talking on stage as a world famous scientist, entrances were vital. If Dave had learned anything in his many years of being alive, it was that humans had the shortest attention spans of any living creature on Earth. You had to grab their attention, and run with it. It was an art form he felt he was pretty good at.</p><p>Dave turned his attention to the others, who were all grateful they hadn’t been chosen as the escorts this time. This was certainly not the first time Dave had arrived somewhere while standing on two octopuses.</p><p>“The rest of you, follow close behind! We’re going to get a closer look at this place!” he stepped onto the circular platform and clapped his "hands." It was an elevator in the most basic sense of the word. It had no walls or even railing, it just went up and down from the few submarine floors and the exit hatch. A bit of a safety hazard but it got the job done and that was all Dave cared about.</p><p>Dave and several henchmen had exited the submarine, standing atop it for a moment as they gazed out at the water around them. The shore was not far-- less than a hundred feet, he was sure. It'd be a short and sweet entrance, nothing too much.</p><p>"Places!" Dave pointed at the water and snapped a "finger." Gurgling in dread, the two henchmen slipped into the water. Dave stepped onto both octopuses, pained gobbles heard through the water as his shoes sunk into their squishy bodies. He was lucky octopuses were all so strong.</p><p>With that, the henchmen propelled themselves forward with their mighty tentacles. Dave stood haughtily as they carried him forth at a shockingly rapid rate, and some other henchmen followed. The majority would stay in the submarine until anything was confirmed, but there was PLENTY of octopuses, enough to go around. With his legion with him, Dave wasn't particularly worried about anything being able to attack them.</p><p>The group reached the shore successfully, as in the two henchmen were being crushed against the sand until Dave finally stepped off. </p><p>Dave placed his "hands" on his hips and looked around, impressed by nature and all of its magnificence. This really was a gorgeous place. The water seemed extra blue, the sand was a glittery white, the rainforest lush and green. It'd make a fine vacation spot, too.</p><p>As Dave surveyed the island, the choppers made their temporary landing on the beach. He assumed the mini-subs were not parked too far either. He grinned and nodded to the henchmen before he started to wander. </p><p>He glowered at the ship as he passed by it, somewhat tempted to investigate the inside. The potential story behind it intrigued him greatly, and he once again wondered what could have happened to the humans that no doubt once inhabited it. The answer was somewhere on this island.</p><p>Instead, he decided to send some of his henchmen. He pointed to two of them and then to the ship. "Ahem, will Smith and you please investigate that abandoned human ship? Give me a detailed report when you've finished." </p><p>Obedient gurgles answered as both octopuses saluted Dave and scampered off. Several other octopuses followed them, the rest searching and examining the beach.</p><p>His eight-legged henchmen arrived in masses, some crawling out of the submarines, others pouring out of the helicopters. Dave smirked. He was leading an entire nation. Surely, nothing could stop him-- any sane individual would keep their distance.</p><p>Dave clapped and outstretched his “arms” in a welcoming gesture. </p><p>“Everybody else, take a load off! Chill out for a while! This could be our new home! Oh, and maybe think about a good place to build the docks.” </p><p>The henchmen who weren’t sent out to investigate things were quick to accept Dave’s invitation. Some kicked back in the sand, some went for a swim, some built sandcastles, some started playing volleyball with a pufferfish. It was really a free-for-all, and anything went. These octopuses were ready to party hard. Dave, however, was busy thinking about base.</p><p>He began to imagine what their new base might look like were they to relocate here. It was bigger, that was for sure, definitely more than just an island. But he very much enjoyed the beach and how secluded it seemed. It was hidden from the rest of the world, a terribly lonely place. Isolated. Now wasn’t that familiar? Dave shook his head. Moping would have to wait-- right now, good things were happening. Everybody was having a good time, so he might as well too.</p><p>Dave was considering joining his cephalopod brothers when something drew his attention. Out of the corner of his eye, almost out of his peripheral vision, Dave saw movement. Not his henchmen playing their silly little beach games,  no, the flora at the end of the beach. The beginning of the forest. Someone was there. But what? WHO? Another animal? A… person? Perhaps someone from the abandoned ship?</p><p>Of course, curiosity got the best of him. </p><p>As one of the henchmen walked past Dave, he stopped them. He spoke hurriedly, obviously in a rush to inspect the movement in the forest.  “John, wait! Keep an eye on everyone, will you? I’ll be right back!”</p><p>“Blurburburb--” </p><p>But Dave was already well on his way, not even giving him a chance to answer. He was up and gone, scrambling up the beach and past his henchmen, who were totally oblivious as they were occupied with their leisurely activities. </p><p>When Dave reached the beach’s end, he stopped for a second, and gawked up at the wall of towering trees and plant life. The gateway to the rainforest, it seemed. The last place an octopus should be. But when did that ever stop him? Last he checked, octopuses weren’t supposed to have PhD’s, either, but here he was. Oh well! Here went nothing. </p><p>It was daunting at first, but Dave managed to set aside the last of his common sense as he shoved himself through the barrier of greenery. He stumbled a bit at first, but managed to find his balance fairly quickly. There he stood in what felt like an entirely different world. Dirt and mud, exotic plants, vibrant flowers, bizarre smells, giant trees,  an incredibly ominous dark and foreboding vibe. Everything you expected out of a forest was here. Dave was already kind of digging it.</p><p>His enthusiasm was quickly diminished however, when he took a step forward, and heard a nasty crunch. Dave cringed at the sound, gritting his teeth together as he reluctantly bent down to see what he had crushed. </p><p>“AH!” He yelped as he recoiled in horror. It was a small skull. An animal skull, to be exact. It looked like it had belonged to something little, like a squirrel or a monkey or something. A lemur, maybe? He wasn’t entirely sure what kind of creatures lived on islands like these. </p><p>“Blegh,” Dave felt sick. He stepped away from the shattered skull and wrapped his arms around himself. He had always been so repulsed by corpses in particular, they grossed him out. So this was definitely not the most welcoming sign. No, quite the opposite, really. But was that going to stop him? No way! There was someone here, and he was determined to find them. Octopuses were notorious for enjoyment of intellectual challenges, and this terrifying investigation of his was just what all nine of his brains needed. </p><p>It was slightly concerning when he noticed that there were yet even more small animal bones scattered around. He did everything he could to avoid stepping on anymore-- his shoes had JUST been shined! </p><p>“This is perfectly normal,” he told himself as he went forward. “Everything dies. That’s normal.”</p><p>Just then, a tiny creature bolted past him, screaming bloody murder as they did. Dave hardly caught a decent glance at them, but it definitely seemed to be one of those small little squirrely critters. Monkeys? Lemurs? He couldn’t remember what he had decided on.</p><p>Before it was able to run off completely, Dave had managed to snatch its bushy tail with one of his spare tentacles. Not a very cautious or stealthy thing to do (it was quite conspicuous actually, an apparently human looking man with a purple tentacle) but it was almost instinctive. He was no wild-born octopus, but he still had the reflexes of one.</p><p>Dave held the little creature up to his face and squinted hard. </p><p>“Why--”</p><p>“P-PLEASE! DON’T EAT ME!” the creature wailed as it thrashed and struggled in his grip. </p><p>Dave wanted to vomit at the thought.</p><p>“What!? Ewww! Now that’s just disgusting! I’d rather tear my siphons off! You’re covered in fur!”</p><p>The creature wailed again, Dave’s words going through one ear and out the next.</p><p>“PLEEEEASE! LET ME GO! I-I DON’T TASTE GOOD! AT ALL!!!!” </p><p>“I’m pretty sure we already established that,” Dave rolled his eyes. “But whatever. You’re terribly annoying.  And useless!” And he released his grip, his tentacle retreating back into his labcoat. </p><p>The creature scuttled away, screaming and crying as it did. The last thing Dave heard from it before its voice faded into the forest was something about a woman or something, he wasn’t sure. As far as he was concerned, that little critter was absolutely bonkers.</p><p>Dave scoffed in the direction of the weird little creature. “What a lunatic.” </p><p>Some leaves rustled nearby, and Dave paused and thought for a minute. </p><p>…</p><p>No, just the wind. Or another annoying little creature. He shook it off.</p><p>He was in the middle of taking his next step when he was suddenly and violently tackled.</p><p>Dave let out a wheeze, the wind knocked out of him as his body was slammed against the forest floor. Had he been an actual human or even some other animal, he was sure bones would have been broken. But no, instead, there was just a sickly wet squish noise as he hit the ground. </p><p>He hardly had any time to process what had just happened when he realized he had been tackled beside a large slope. So, he and his attacker started rolling down it full speed. </p><p>Of course, having the long boneless limbs he did, Dave quickly got tangled up with the attacker. The two were intertwined in a horrifying and definitely inhuman way, both letting out loud "ow's" as their bodies crashed against the hard ground over and over. The rolling seemed to never stop, they just kept on going. </p><p>Something quite interesting Dave couldn’t help but notice ; his attacker was cursing in French as they rolled. It was really the only thing he could make out in those moments, because each time their bodies collided with the ground again, the other would yell French curses. It was basically happening right in his, uh,  “ears.”</p><p>Eventually, the wretched slope came to an end, smoothing out to a gentle, flat surface covered in tall and luscious grass. It was a very nice change in landscape. The two slowed down, their rolling finally ending as they both collapsed onto the grassy plane.</p><p>There was a brief snippet of time where they were just laying on the ground, Dave’s face frozen in agony. He wasn’t sure how the other’s expression was in that moment but he was sure it was the same.</p><p>Dave groaned miserably, managing to sit himself up. How was it that he was a boneless creature and yet, it felt like everything inside of him was broken? It was just awful. He was already aching.  And his disguise! Thank goodness it managed to stay intact, although incredibly ruffled and dirtied now. His glasses-- where were they?</p><p>Neither of them moved, Dave certainly still trying to figure out what on earth was going on when the attacker struck again. Like some sort of psycho-ballerina, they sprung back onto their feet, and lunged at him. Dave yelled as he was once again slammed against the ground. He wheezed as  all of his octopus organs were being crushed. However, he did finally get a pretty clear view of his attacker-- an oddly shaped woman in a ragged uniform of some sort. A police officer? Something like that. He had SO many questions, but he was too busy gasping for air.</p><p>The stranger spoke in a loud and authoritative tone. Oh, and French. It was a very nice, very thick French accent, Dave noted. The questions were piling up. </p><p>"IMBECILE! YOU SCARED AWAY MY DIN--” the woman trailed off in a stupor. She lifted her hand from Dave’s “neck” and stared at it in both disgust and amazement. It was covered in slime. The one thing Dave could not necessarily control while in disguise: octopuses were naturally slimy. It usually wasn’t that bad, but he supposed stressful situations lended to it. </p><p>“C’est quoi ce bordel?” she whispered, examining her hand in fascination. </p><p>Dave wasn’t going to waste the opportunity of her distraction. So he just punched her in the face, and in her dazed state, he launched her into the air with his “legs.” He was pleasantly surprised by how far he managed to kick her. Octopus strength was terrifying. </p><p>Without letting another second pass by, Dave scrambled to his feet and ran. Nope. He wasn’t dealing with that. Not today. First human he interacts with in ages, and what do they do? Try to strangle him! It was kind of disappointing, but yet, very very interesting. This was all kind of fun, in a psychological-horror type of way. </p><p>Dave barely made it past the endless cluster of plants and vines when something had caught his leg. He looked back over his shoulder and realized his leg was caught by a Ketch-All pole. He was well acquainted with those evil things, having been transferred from zoo to zoo, aquarium to aquarium… It was no surprise when he saw that the pole was being held by none other than the stranger. She yanked at it once, and Dave toppled right over, flat onto his face. </p><p>“ACK....” he muttered into the dirt. Once again, he was thankful for his lack of bones. </p><p>“HAHA! PATHÉTIQUE!” the woman spat as she dragged Dave closer with the pole. “YOUR SKINNY LITTLE LEGS CARRY YOU IN FUTILITY!”</p><p>What she didn’t account for was how slippery Dave was in that moment-- all that slime and whatever. Easily, he slipped his leg right out of her Ketch-All pole, much to her dismay. Instead of attempting to run again, he tackled her this time. It was the very last thing the stranger expected, that was for certain.</p><p>“AGHHH!” the woman screeched. For a change, now she was pinned to the ground. Dave had a pretty firm grip on her neck there for a moment. He wondered if he had what it took to kill. Probably not. Death was gross.</p><p>“Aha!” he trumpeted, but he was blindsided by another punch.</p><p>“Stupid bozo!” the stranger snarled victoriously. “I will strangle you with your own intestines!”</p><p>  Everytime Dave thought he finally had her, he would end up being pinned again. The process seemed neverending, the two punching and kicking and attacking each other at every opportunity they got. They were constantly rolling around, one trying to pin the other, only to be pinned, and then vice versa. It. Didn’t. Stop.  The two were evenly matched, both inhumanly strong and agile (both for very different reasons…) After a while, they seemed to realize this too, because eventually, they just stopped.</p><p>Dave sat up, gasping in pure exhaustion and pain. He tried to catch his breath, while simultaneously staying on alert, fully expecting to be tackled again. He didn’t take his eyes off of the stranger. And neither did she.</p><p>The woman looked Dave up and down, her eyes slitted. She was sitting against a tree, rubbing her wrists when she started talking. </p><p>“<em>Who</em> are you?” although she didn’t yell this time, her voice was just as stern and demanding as usual. No doubt, she was just trying to figure out who this freak was. This indestructible, squishy, slimey freak. She had a newfound interest in him now, no longer seeing him as a competitor. Instead, someone perhaps equal to her own freakish abilities. </p><p>Dave straightened up, gladly abandoning the useless violence for a casual discussion instead. It was a much appreciated change in pace. He wasn’t particularly fond of attacking people like a wild animal. But he had a feeling he had managed to earn her respect somehow. That’s what happened in the wild, wasn’t it? You had a little tussle with the alpha to earn your place? Or was that only relevant in mating season? Nevermind. He didn’t want to think about it anymore. <em>Eugh</em>.</p><p>“Dr. Octavius Brine,”  he replied in a slow and cautious tone. “...Renowned geneticist.” He thought about offering his “hand” for a handshake or something, but decided against it, figuring she’d probably rip him in half or something.  </p><p>She looked astonished. He could tell she was struggling to comprehend that this weirdo doctor had managed to tie her in a fight. </p><p>This was incredibly awkward. </p><p>But Dave went for it.</p><p>“....And….. you…..?” </p><p>At first, the stranger said nothing. She only continued to scan him, probably just as uncertain about the whole situation as he was. More than that, he could tell she was just the skeptical type. Probably didn’t trust anybody but herself. A fierce individual. Definitely the alpha type. Dave wasn’t sure if he had ever met someone like that before. He was beguiled. </p><p>“Captain Chantel DuBois.” She finally answered as she straightened her cap.  “Monaco Animal Control.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ok boys now we are finally getting juicy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>life's kind of a little hectic so this took me way longer to write than it would have usually. it was originally an extra long chapter but i decided to chop it off, and so a chunk of chapter 5 is already done. that will probably be posted sometime this week or the next. and yes francis refers to dr blowhole, he'll show up soon and not just in a flashback lolololol</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“I don’t know what it is about humans that allures you, Dave. They’re wicked creatures, you of all animals should know that. And why you would choose to  willingly charade around as one, it just boggles my mind! Tell me, time and time again, what did they do to <strong>you</strong>?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It was never what they did. It was the penguins. The penguins were the ones who stole the show. If they  had never been there, the humans still would have loved me, just as always. You know how they are, they’re always searching for something new. It’s why they buy so many cars.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“And yet, in all of their searching and grasping, we’re the ones who get hurt. Animals are nothing but expendable in the eyes of a human being. Enslave, kill and eat us, that’s all they’ll do.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I think you’re a little biased, Francis,” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Don’t call me that.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Animals can be just as bad. I’ve seen National Geographic.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"But hardly to the extent of mankind.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“And besides! Not all humans are so terrible! Don’t you remember the joy of entertaining the crowds?  The pure excitement  in their eyes whenever they’d see you? The wonder on the tiny ones’ faces? You remember the glory of those days, don’t you?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>	Silence.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You’re delusional.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>	...</em>
</p><p>What started out as a terrible and violent experience in the rainforest  was taking a drastic turn for the better. It was shaping up to be one of Dave’s favorite days <em>ever.</em> </p><p>It’d been so very long since he had an actual conversation with someone who wasn’t just one of his henchmen. And more than that: with a real human. He couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Yet here he was, having a real, authentic talk with a middle-aged French woman! How very fantastic.</p><p>As Dr. Octavius Brine, of course he had his fair share of conversing with human beings, but he wasn’t sure how much it really counted. Most of the talking he did was in front of crowds, whether it be some dorky event or a Q&amp;A session about his feats in science. He’d usually have the opportunity to speak to other scientists and enthusiasts much like himself, but they were brief, and work related.  He actually wasn’t  sure if he’d ever had a real casual discussion with a human before like this. </p><p>Much less did he ever talk to human women, not that that was a conscious choice or anything. They were just never really around. And he especially did not talk to animal women. He kept a safe distance from female octopuses-- they were horrifying creatures. After mating, they would try to EAT the male. What fun was that?! Nope. Dave was not having any of that, thank you. He left it in the hands (or tentacles) of his henchmen to keep his octopus society thriving, and so far it worked. He wondered if female humans tried to murder the male humans after things like that….</p><p>But this was nice. He was learning a lot about this particular individual, and boy was she an odd one!</p><p>Captain Chantel DuBois (who made it VERY clear she was to be referred to as simply “DuBois”) had introduced herself a little more, after much hesitation. While she was still pretty unenthusiastic and reluctant in her words, she told Dave her story. She was the head of the animal control unit in Monaco, Europe. She had a perfect case record, no animal ever escaping her grasp, until a “misshap with some stupid circus animals” happened, and voila. She was shipped here, on what was apparently the continent of “Madagascar.” That was  all she told him. Okay, so maybe she didn’t really tell him her story but… she gave him bits and pieces at least. Nevertheless, it was still more than what Dave was used to hearing anyways. He was happy. </p><p>At first, Dave was a little uneasy about the whole “captain of animal control” deal, but his fears were drowned out by his overriding captivation, and lack of common sense, once again. Truthfully, he left his common sense behind a long time ago, it was just the remaining shreds he was continuously tossing aside. Oh, and he was a massive simp for the humans. He’d take whatever chance he could get if it meant he could speak to one.</p><p>Dave had told her some basics about himself as well, but tried to keep it brief in an attempt to  mimic her way of storytelling. Maybe she'd like that. He too, mostly went over his profession and similar easy things . He had to watch his tongue so that he didn't slip up and say something like "Oh, and I was trapped in a tiny snowglobe for several days in a gift shop." He would have to fabricate some details in order to keep up his charade, but that was nothing new. Dr. Brine's <em>specialty</em> was fabrication.</p><p>After DuBois finished giving limited details on her life, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small knife. There was a moment there where Dave almost expected her to attack him again, given she seemed to harbor some serious bloodlust, but no. She was just filing her nails, in a very, very threatening manner. Dave watched her with a continued transfixation.</p><p>DuBois stared back at him with cold, unmoving eyes. She raised an eyebrow and tilted her head ever so slightly.</p><p>“So tell me, monsieur, where does a strange… squishy man such as yourself come from?” </p><p>Dave grinned. “Oh, just little old New York City. The Big Apple. Whatever you might call it! I ‘ve been back and forth between a lot of different places though. No specific place I stay, really. My, uh, team and I, we’re always on the move.” </p><p>That wasn’t really a lie, was it? Technically, no… he just left out the kind of somewhat major part about coming from a zoo in New York City. </p><p>DuBois twitched at the mention of New York, but didn’t comment any further on it. She kept on with the rest of their conversation, moving past it.</p><p>“I assume that’s why you are here then? You are just traveling..?” she sounded SO bored, but yet continued to talk with him. Maybe that was just her default voice. He couldn't tell, and he didn't really care.</p><p>“Uh-huh! Well, actually-- I’ve been thinking about making my brand new base here. My home of sorts. Thought it might be a nice little spot.”</p><p>“Ah… for your… biology.”</p><p>“Marine biology!”</p><p>“Whatever,” DuBois tucked her knife away, her full attention now on Dave. He felt like she was looking right through him with x-ray vision, her gaze burning into his very soul. It wasn’t that obvious he was an octopus, right? The last thing you expect is for someone to actually be an octopus. She was probably just trying to make sense of his unique form. The complete lack of neck. The eggplant shaped head. Maybe sizing up her opponent. Or maybe she liked his clothes. He prayed it was the clothes.</p><p>“What is that?” she suddenly asked,  eying his labcoat pocket suspiciously.  Dave looked down, completely forgetting about the little surprise he’d brought. Well, a surprise for himself. He wasn’t really expecting to run into anybody out here.</p><p>“Oh!” he slipped two “fingers” into his pocket, and pulled out a slice of cheese. “Maasdam. Would you like some?”
	DuBois was baffled, almost beyond words. It took her awhile to even conjure up a proper response.</p><p>“...No. I am fine with lemurs. Thank you."</p><p>Dave wasn’t terribly offended, he wanted to eat that cheese anyways. He shoveled the slice into his mouth and chewed for a moment before he asked another question. </p><p>"Mm, lemurs? Those annoying little critters with the big fuzzy tails?”</p><p>“Evidemment. They have been my sustenance in this dump. So far I have decimated ¾ of their population, it wasn't that hard. They are so small, it’s hardly any meat… tiny horrid beasts.” </p><p>This just got better by the minute. Not only was he TALKING to a human, no. He was talking to a human who accomplished things he could only dream of! Demolishing the populations of tiny, cute animals. Ugh! He wished she’d been there to help him with the penguins… she had so much potential in her. This was perhaps the most amazing human he had ever talked to. He couldn’t get over it. She was terrifying in all the right ways.</p><p>“Wooowie,” Dave couldn’t stop the wild grin that spread over his face. “You’re quite the-- quite the human! This… barbarity of yours, this feral spirit in you, does it come naturally? I find it remarkable.” He gestured around vaguely, unsure of the right words to use at first. He started chewing on a second slice of cheese that had also been stuffed in his pocket. </p><p>DuBois flinched, her face unreadable. Dave  was scared he had said something wrong when she had suddenly stood up. </p><p><em>Here we go, </em>he mentally prepped himself, expecting another fight. <em>Battle plan… maybe I can cut off all circulation from her legs!</em></p><p>There was an eerie sort of silence as the deadly redhead approached Dave where he sat. She walked slow, much like a predator would when stalking its prey. He felt himself stiffen up again, still very much expecting to be lunged at or tackled or something. Pretty much every second with this woman was spent expecting to get beat up at any time. It was genuinely scary, but still entertaining. He was having a lot of fun today, not gonna lie. Probably the most fun he’d had in years, both the talking part, AND the fighting part. <em>Wow. </em>His definition of fun was pretty sad.</p><p>DuBois was not far from Dave now, maybe only a few inches apart, the two. She was glaring down at him, her eyes mere slits, radiating her fierce energy. She appeared to be examining him again. He made sure he was sitting up as straight as he could, trying to maintain a good posture and an unsuspicious expression. He couldn’t keep his eyes from darting around awkwardly, her burning gaze a bit too much for him to handle. It got even worse when she leaned as closely as possible to him, their noses (Dave’s “nose”...)  almost touching. </p><p>“My savage and animalistic nature is something you find... <em>appealing</em>?” her voice was dangerous and cold. </p><p>Dave wasn’t sure what kind of answer she wanted. <em>Well, if I die, I die!</em></p><p>“.........Yeeeepperdoo………” came his quiet reply. He smiled a small, nervous smile.</p><p>It was then he expected to be punched, or slapped, or tackled, or kicked, or maybe even bitten. Something of the violent sort, he wasn’t sure, but something. From the like, hour and a half he had known this woman, she had made it clear she would not hesitate to rip him to shreds. Or, attempt to at least, as discussed before they were pretty evenly matched. But still. What happened next was definitely anti-climatic to what Dave was expecting, but it was shocking, regardless. </p><p>DuBois did not attack him in any way, shape or form. Instead, she simply leaned away from him, and stood there, awestruck. No longer was she glaring and examining Dave in contempt, but instead was staring at the ground. There was an emotion other than rage and solemnity just barely visible in her eyes. Something a wee bit softer, somewhat more approachable. Something kind of… lovely? Was that the right word? He had no idea. Dave was more confused than ever. He continued to sit there oddly, looking very strained.</p><p>“Sensationnel,” Dave heard DuBois mutter to herself, before she looked back to him. She looked somewhat flustered. This was all very bizarre. How did everything become so awkward just like that?</p><p>	“Forgive me for my unprofessional behavior, I am just not used to such comments.” she seemed annoyed with her own self this time.</p><p>	“O-oh, no,  it’s oka--”</p><p>	“The men in Monaco, those <em>salauds</em>. They compliment me a lot, it is not anything new for me. But it was only ever about my facial features, my figure…all they really cared about, I suppose...” DuBois trailed off, her eyes meeting Dave’s again. She squinted, as if she still questioned his sincerity. Dave was ready to melt away forever. He felt like he couldn't handle her undivided attention.</p><p>	“Well, appearances aren’t everything, isn’t that what they say..?” to be honest, Dave said that to reassure himself more than anything. He was still baffled by the unexpected turn this conversation took.</p><p>	However, Dave’s words seemed to resonate with DuBois. She looked as if she was in deep thought, genuinely pondering on what Dave had said. He kind of had a sense she wasn’t really used to conversations like this. Heck, neither was he! He could tell by the way they both seemed so awkward, Dave mostly. He wasn’t used to anything like this at ALL.</p><p>	“There is something strange about you,” DuBois said observantly, leaning back against a tree. Her eyes were still locked onto him. “You’re no ordinary man. No. Not really an ordinary person in general, are you?"</p><p>	<em>That’s one way to put it… </em>Dave thought bitterly. He didn’t want to think about his true identity at the moment. He’d rather live in ignorance-- at least for now. </p><p>	Dave tugged at the collar of his labcoat again. If he could sweat, he would be right now, but instead he was just very slimy. He really wanted some water.</p><p>	“I’ve always been the odd one in the bunch,” Dave said with a slight grimace. </p><p>	“Hm.” Was all DuBois said. </p><p>	Now there was a small bout of silence between the two, no doubt because of the very odd energy they had both created unintentionally. The atmosphere was just strange. No one was entirely sure what to say next. Or, well actually maybe that was just Dave.  So far, today was an emotional and occasionally violent rollercoaster. Such was the day in the life of a villain.</p><p>	DuBois extended her hand towards him abruptly, offering something. Upon closer examination Dave lightened up as he realized it was his glasses. And they were mostly intact! Pretty jacked looking, but still mostly intact. Wow! </p><p>"Oh. Here. I found these after all of the rolling." Her voice was as nonchalant and cold as ever. </p><p>Dave graciously accepted, taking them from her small hand and placing them back over his face. That was better. They were really just reading glasses if he was honest, his eyesight overall was pretty good. But it really tied his little disguise together nicely. Glasses were cute. </p><p>"Oooh! Thank you!" He grinned, feeling around his own face. Perfect and squishy. A totally normal human being. </p><p>DuBois muttered something in response, probably in French because Dave did not catch it whatsoever. She was done looking at him, apparently, because her attention was now directed elsewhere off into the forest. She looked extremely attentive, he could tell by her still statue-like stance. Dave was almost sad to no longer be the center of attention.</p><p>"Sooo.. What are you doing?" Dave piped up, glancing over DuBois's shoulder. He thought he might see what she was so focused on.</p><p>"Shut it," she hissed, and gave him a little smack to the face. "You fool! You'll scare it away, <em>again. </em>I am hunting." </p><p>Dave rubbed his face and obeyed, taking a step back as he watched her in silence. She dropped down on all fours, and started sniffing the ground like a wild dog or something. It was one of the scariest things he had ever seen. She started following some invisible trail, much like a bloodhound. The way her limbs moved reminded him of a spider.</p><p>Dave wasn’t sure what the right course of action here would be, so he just kind of lingered behind her, not wanting to cost DuBois her next meal or whatever. He was sure if he did, she’d just end up eating him. That’s what he had heard about the fellow animal control officers that were shipped to this island with her, it was one of the few details he was given. She didn’t outright say it, but it seemed to be deeply insinuated she straight up cannibalized them. Dave didn’t want to think about it too much. Not that it surprised him, though. So he followed her, but at a distance, and very, VERY quietly.</p><p>He was still having trouble wrapping his mind around it all. For the thousandth time he was reminded that yes, he was talking to a HUMAN. A human being. A human being who was awfully similar to an animal herself. Specifically a predator. It made things slightly more relatable, he guessed. Although he considered himself somewhat of a "domesticated" octopus, and this woman seemed to be, well, a feral human. The roles felt oddly reversed. How disturbingly poetic.</p><p>Continuing to trail after her, Dave watched with a sort of macabre enthrallment as she pursued her prey. Whatever this poor thing was, it sure wasn’t expecting it. DuBois was so quiet, it was unsettling. Not to mention she camouflaged  so well, even he felt a little jealous. Octopuses were supposed to be the ultimate masters of disguise (if that wasn’t obvious) but yet, here this lady was. She practically became one with the darkness as she bolted between shadows. She moved with such graceful and perturbing movements, it was hypnotizing, really. He could tell she dabbled in the performance arts… it made him giddy.</p><p>There was a terrible yelp, and a screech, and a lot of leaves rustling. Dave was dying to get a look, so he inched forward cautiously. He just wanted to catch a glimpse of  the action, just a little one! He inched closer, and closer, waiting for something to happen. But it was still, and quiet. The anxiety was starting to settle in a bit.</p><p>Suddenly, DuBois emerged from the plants, practically just rising straight out of them. It was impressive, something Dave would have definitely done. He admired her extreme flexibility. Very octopus-like! </p><p>“<em>Voila</em>,” proudly, she held up a strange looking creature, dangling by the tail in her grasp, dead as a doorknob. Notably, bigger than the lemurs, so this must have been quite the success. Dave was both extremely impressed, and horrified! “Stupid fossa. Tried to steal my dinner, and look at what happened. Now YOU are my dinner! Aha!” </p><p>She shook the corpse tauntingly, and it jiggled in a very sickly manner. He wasn’t too fond of it.</p><p>Dave noticed the blood that was smeared on her face, the implications both revolting and alarming. This human surprised him more and more with every passing second. She really was crazy, and honestly, he was kind of living for it. That was a quality in a person he adored.</p><p>He pointed falteringly at her face.</p><p>“You got a little-- a little, err--” </p><p>DuBois was confused at first, giving him an equivocal look until she realized what he was talking about. She felt her face and just laughed as if it was nothing. This French lady just murdered a wild animal with her bare hands and teeth. <em>She's… amazing...</em></p><p>“Oh, I will clean that up later. Right now, it’s time for dinner!” And she just started walking away, holding the dead fossa as if it were some sacred trophy. In an instant, she disappeared into the forest, her voice fading into the distance. It happened so fast, Dave almost lost her.</p><p>He stumbled through the thick of the forest, chasing after her. It was hard with those long, gangly “legs” of his. He was tripping with every other step. </p><p>“Wh-- wait! Hold on!” he called out. No way was he just going to let this lady just get up and walk right out of his life. She was a human! And psychotic with a serious bloodlust! She was all he really cared about at the moment, as scary as she was. But that was what made her so wonderful. </p><p>Dave pushed  his way urgently through the forest, searching high and low for his chaotic evil French queen. “Miss DuBois! Wait just a second, please!”</p><p>But it was to no avail. The rainforest was dark, and covered in plants and trees, and the probability of finding a god of stealth like DuBois was low. She was nowhere to be found. A familiar and heavy wave of loneliness washed over Dave, and he stood there, lost in more sense than one. There was an awful sinking feeling in his gut. </p><p>Just when all hope seemed lost (again), Dave was caught by surprise when DuBois had stepped out in front of him. Like a scary, bloody angel, she was just there. His pity party was cut short, and he was glad for that, although he was kind of embarrassed now. He probably seemed pretty desperate, didn’t he? Well, that was just a fact. He actually wasn’t too ashamed of that. </p><p>“Those skinny little twigs of yours don’t go so fast, no?” She jeered, nodding to Dave’s “legs.” </p><p>He chuckled nervously and shrugged.</p><p>“Ahahah...Not really.”</p><p>DuBois groaned and rolled her eyes. With her free hand, she pointed to the ground beside her and snapped her fingers impatiently. She made no attempt to look at him, she just stared sternly ahead. Dave got the memo and quickly took his place beside her, thankful she was so quick to accept him. He was expecting more reluctance. Yet here they were, two freaks out in the wild. A powerful duo. Dave was enjoying this.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>it just gets scarier after this</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i'd like to take this time to quickly apologize again for how rushed/fast-paced this fanfic might seem. as mentioned before, i just do not have the freetime or really the willpower in me to write anything massive or complex (if i could, i would believe me) and this is just a fun little experiment for me if anything. this is for the pure enjoyment and terror, and my overall boredom. if i had the time and capability i would have a full fleshed out story, with more in-depth relationships but i just don't so this is going to be pretty condensed but whatever this is a madagascar fanfic why am i doing this to my self<br/>anyways enjoy the next chapter, it just gets more and more concerning</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At some point during their traveling through the rainforest, DuBois let Dave know that they were heading to her camp. There, they could sit down, eat a nutritious fossa meal, have a hopefully totally normal conversation, and rest. It was getting pretty late, so the sooner they got there the better. Not that it was too much of an issue though. When he asked DuBois what the chances were of getting mauled by some wild animal, she only laughed. </p><p>“I established my position as the apex predator ages ago,” she had assured him. “Any beast with even an iota of common sense will keep their distance, <em>far</em> from me.”</p><p>Well, that explained why Dave was still here. He had none of that. In fact, he had to completely disregard ALL sensibility just to be even near this woman. He was living on the edge. Was he risking his life, safety and wellbeing? Definitely. But it was worth it so far! It would also kind of suck to be dead, though. </p><p>It was pitch dark by the time they had reached DuBois’ makeshift shelter, which was an intricately woven leaf canopy over a pretty decently sized fire pit. There were even some logs from trees and various natural supplies scattered about, some crates, barrels,  and, of course, bones and animal skins.  The majority being lemurs. In fact, there were even a few full on taxidermied ones-- stuffed and all. <em>Wow</em>. How did she even do that here…? DuBois’ deadly passion was evident, even here.  Overall, it was a nice set up, nothing too special, just perfect for a crazy woman surviving out in the wild. </p><p> Dave was honored to have been invited into her little dwelling place, never having gotten this close to a human before. He’d never been in one of their houses or living spaces or whatever. So this was his first real experience in one, although this was not technically a house… it still counted! He was overjoyed to be here with her, happily taking a seat on one of the wooden logs as DuBois got a fire going in just seconds. Nothing seemed to be a problem for her. She was an expert at, well, everything it looked like. A real survivor extraordinaire. </p><p>“Ooh, nice place you got here!” Dave smiled, looking around in admiration at her work. “I like all the bones, and corpses and, uh, stuff!”</p><p>“Merci,” DuBois sniffed. She was already prepping dinner, her hands moving with elegant efficiency. “Taxidermy is an art. I very much enjoy it. A passion of mine, you might call it.”</p><p>“Passion! Great! It’s great to have passion.”</p><p>DuBois squinted at him. “Yes. It is.”</p><p>The only sound between them now was the crackling of the fire.</p><p>A few seagulls shrieked up ahead in the sky, and Dave eyed them curiously. Probably scavenging for food, the poor saps. </p><p>He started to fiddle with his “fingers” for a moment, trying to think of a conversation topic. An icebreaker. What was something people liked to talk about? What was something normal they would say? Most importantly, what should he talk about to <em>DuBois</em>? She was by far the most unique human he’d ever met, she seemed to work a little differently than the rest. He thought about it… </p><p>Oh! Here was a good prompt! If he could learn aaaaanything in the world about her right now, what would he want to know?</p><p>And then the idea hit him. The ultimate question of all time. The most pressing matter of all. He knew EXACTLY what he wanted to know. </p><p>Dave tried to look as insouciant as possible. He wanted to seem cool, calm and collected, and not like this question was a total make-it or break-it kind of deal for him.</p><p>“How do you feel about penguins?-- just wondering.” </p><p>DuBois paused the preparations and looked up at him. Dave couldn’t tell if the look on her face was complete bewilderment or just indignation. There was however, a spark of familiarity in her eyes. She looked resentful.</p><p>“Penguins,” she echoed. He could hear the vexation. “I had the ‘pleasure’ of meeting a  few when I was trying to kill that reprehensible lion. Wretched creatures, but wickedly clever… never cared much for them, but after that, I would like nothing more than to beat them all to death with my fists.”</p><p>All three of Dave’s hearts skipped a beat. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Was this real life??? Did a human being REALLY just tell him they wanted to beat penguins up? That they hated them, essentially? He thought it was impossible for humans to hate those flightless little demons, but no! Maybe there was hope in humanity after all. Or, at least he could hope in just <em>one </em>human.</p><p>“What a coincidence!” he raved, practically bouncing in his seat. “I hate penguins too!”</p><p>“I take it you have some regrettable past experience with the beasts as well,” DuBois assumed, her focus back on the fossa again. Dave hadn’t really noticed it-- especially not now, he was much too hyped up-- but she was in the grisly process of skinning it. </p><p>“Something like that,” Dave was still beaming, but the hint of sorrow in his voice was obvious. “Something like that…”</p><p>“I never understood all of that craze around them,” DuBois groused. “What is so great about them? They just sit there, and look stupid.”</p><p>“I-I know right?! That’s exactly what I thought!” Dave had almost launched up from his seat, he was just that elated. Instead, he just sat there, jittery from the excitement. He couldn’t recall the last time he felt <em>this </em>happy. He was overflowing with joy. Gooolly, this lady was GREAT!</p><p>“Hm. Intriguing.” </p><p>Dave was lost in his thoughts for some time, all sorts of ideas and fantasies running through his head. Oh, the possibilities. Imagine how much more unstoppable he’d be with someone like Captain Chantel DuBois at his side! The sheer, concentrated power! Who could ever stand against them? He imagined all the fun they would have, traveling around the world in his submarine together, talking and… </p><p>He realized he was staring right at her, and she was staring back, probably getting annoyed. He quickly averted his eyes and looked to the fire instead. Uh-huh. Yup. Just admiring the flames. That’s all. Not admiring anything or anybody else, no, no. </p><p>Dave was glad when she seemed to just brush over it. </p><p>“Ever tried fossa, monsieur?” DuBois queried. </p><p>“No, no. I’ve never been a big fan of things with fur, to be honest,” Dave admitted, slowly becoming mesmerized by the fire as it raged on. Come to think of it, he didn’t get to see them much, always being around submarines and water. “I’m more of a seafood guy, per se…”</p><p>“Well, that’s why you take the fur <em>off</em>!” And she held a mass of pink flesh up. Dave realized it was the fossa-- just without skin and… stuff… Interesting!</p><p>“Ohh! Yeah, I guess I could give it a try!” Dave was already reaching forward, “hands” wide open, expecting to be handed his meal portion.</p><p>DuBois was appalled. </p><p>“I have to cook it first, you bozo,” she derided him. “I am not sure if you knew this, <em>world renowned scientist, </em>but unfortunately, the human body was not made for the consumption of raw meat. Believe me, you only make such a mistake once.”</p><p>
  <em>Geneticist… </em>
</p><p>Dave’s “hands” quickly retreated, and he remembered that humans had to cook their food before they ate it. Whoopsies. He had been so used to just eating raw fish, he often forgot that humans operated much differently. Inferior digestive systems and all that, he pitied them. He’d have to give in for now though, he didn’t want to look like a complete freak, or more than he already did.</p><p>“Oh….hahaha, of course! Obviously,” Dave attempted to laugh it off. A funny joke, that’s all it was. “I’m just… so very eager to try it!”</p><p>DuBois looked at him like he was a weirdo, but didn’t say anything else. She just stuck that meaty husk of what once was a fossa onto a branch, and held it over the fire. She acted as if she was just roasting a marshmallow, and for her it was really just as simple as that. Soon, the air was heavy with heat, and the smell of cooking flesh. It was then Dave realized just how hungry he really was, because the aroma of a roasting mammal actually smelled good to him! Wow, his standards just got lower and lower every day, in more ways than one.</p><p>“I won’t have to remind you to chew, will I?” </p><p>“Pfff, don’t be ridiculous. I am an EXCELLENT chewer.”</p><p>“Mhm…” </p><p>In all of the distraction and fascination, Dave forgot that yes, there was  an actual reason for why marine animals didn’t see fire. They stayed away from it as far away as possible! Hello? Fire is the complete opposite of water-- what was he thinking? Oh, the cons of throwing away all of your common sense. </p><p>He already felt like he was drying up, all of the moisture and slime evaporating right off his skin amidst the heat. The rainforest was nice and humid, so he had really been enjoying it, but this fire was getting to be too much. It was kind of extremely painful, actually. He was sent into a minor panic as he tried to think of what to do. He needed to moisturize that octopus skin and quick.</p><p>“Miss DuBois,” he did everything he could to make sure it didn’t sound like he was about to shrivel up and die. He scooted back a bit, trying to distance himself from the flames. “I am absolutely parched! You don’t happen to have any water here, do you? I’m uh, very thirsty!” thirsty was one way to describe him.</p><p>DuBois was spinning the fossa over the fire, unconcerned. She casually pointed to a barrel which was conveniently located just a few inches from him. Dave hadn't even noticed it.</p><p>“Well, there is that barrel of sea water, but it hasn’t been desalinated it yet--”</p><p>"FANTASTIC!" </p><p>Not even a second had passed and Dave had already twisted his torso completely around. It was a breathtakingly horrific sight, he looked like a contortionist on crack. </p><p> He ripped the lid of the barrel off with almost no effort, and plunged the entire front half of his body into the water. DuBois was just dumbfounded, probably didn’t even know where to begin. </p><p>"Comment fait-il ça..." she murmured, wide-eyed in wonder. She was so engrossed by what she was witnessing, she almost dropped the roasting fossa right into the fire. They were both discovering very interesting things about each other, the interesting things of course mostly being their abnormal abilities and mannerisms. Their uncanny selves were being revealed more and more as the day went on. By now, they both knew they were both freaks of nature in their own respective ways.</p><p>Dave drew himself back from the barrel, positively drenched in water now. There. That felt much, <em>much</em> better. Nice, slimey and cold, just like he preferred. The default state of an octopus, really. When he took his seat again, he made sure it was a good few feet from the fire. He’d keep that barrel in mind in case he started getting too toasty again. Ah… now where was he?</p><p>“That is how you drink water?” DuBois implored as she set the fossa aside.  She leaned forward on her log seat, confounded by Dave and his ways. She scoffed. “What are you? An animal?” </p><p>“Hahaha! Nooo.” </p><p><em>Oh no.</em> Dave, in his desperation for hydration, had forgotten he was trying to keep up an act here. Blinded! Blinded by thirst! He remembered that real humans didn't just dunk their bodies into water if they wanted a drink. They had water bottles and cups and sinks. Gosh. He was real bad at this whole "act normal" thing. He was usually much better with these things-- well, <em>usually</em>. Today was just… hard.</p><p>He tried to think of a believable and reasonable explanation, an impenetrable lie. He didn't get too far in the thought process though, DuBois was already talking to him again. </p><p>"You are a most…… extraordinary man," Dave couldn't quite decipher if she meant that as a good thing or a bad thing. He decided he’d take it as a good thing.</p><p>“Thank you! You’re uhmm, a most extraordinary female!” he simpered. That probably wasn’t really a normal thing to say. DuBois made no comment.</p><p>Instead, she got up and took the cooked fossa over to Dave. She held it out, offering the crispy corpse to him. </p><p>"First pick, monsieur? You are my...<em>guest</em>, after all." her deadpan face made the kind gesture feel very forced. It could have been. Or maybe she had poisoned it while he wasn't looking. She was like one of those mystery boxes, if one of the surprises was potentially life threatening.</p><p>Dave hesitantly reached forward and grabbed one of its hind legs. He was surprised how easily it just tore off, but then again he’d never really dealt with cooked meat before. As he took the leg, he ran his eyes over it. It was no fish, but it’d have to do. He was pretty hungry.</p><p>“Thanka-yoou!” and he just started shoving the entire thing in his mouth. He was pleasantly surprised! It wasn’t nearly as awful as he thought it was going to be. Just a little awful. </p><p>“Wow,” DuBois marveled. “You eat like a complete freak too. Bones and all. You do not care.”</p><p>Dave froze, the fossa leg sticking out of his mouth a little. <em>Oops again. </em>He quickly gobbled it down and tried to pretend as if that was normal. Humans didn’t usually eat things whole-- much less anything with bones, did they? He was really off his game today, geez! It was hard, getting so caught up in all of the excitement… </p><p>He wiped his mouth off on the sleeve of his glove. “W-well, it’s just been so long since I’ve eaten,” not entirely a lie. It had been some…. Hours…. And he wasn’t sure if those tiny slices of cheese counted. “That’s all!”</p><p>DuBois wasn’t looking too convinced, but like with most things that night, she just left it as it was.</p><p>With permission, Dave took another leg, this time attempting to eat it a little more slowly. He was genuinely enjoying this meal, even if it was getting really awkward as he felt DuBois’ burning gaze on him again.  Watching him as she ate. Studying his every move, probably trying to make sense of this man in her head. Probably had some theories of her own. He wondered if any of them involved an octopus in a labcoat? No. Definitely not. Dave chose to ignore it and just kept eating, doing his best to keep his eyes low and away from her face.</p><p>Once again, he found it quite amusing how he was both entranced and yet terrified of this woman.</p><p>DuBois dumped the fossa’s remains aside and glared at Dave in contempt.</p><p> "You must think I am an idiot.” DuBois hissed. </p><p>The joy and enthusiasm for the day was immediately sucked out of Dave’s body. How, HOW did this day keep switching from “this is the best day of my life” to “this is my last day on earth”??? It was getting to be a bit much now! </p><p>“Hu--”</p><p>“You don’t think I know what is going on here?” She had that deadly kind of tone again, the angry whisper that sounded like it was on the brink of becoming a scream. It certainly didn’t help either when the seagulls circling up above started screaming again. </p><p>There was no hesitation in her actions, DuBois simply reached into her pocket and snatched her knife. Then, in the blink of an eye, she tossed it into the air, hardly even moving. Didn’t even have to look at it, no she was too busy glaring at Dave. Mere seconds later, the corpse of a  seagull plummeted to the ground, landing beside DuBois. The knife’s hilt protruded out of its chest like the stick in a lollipop. The other seagulls must’ve received the message because they were dead quiet after that.</p><p>Dave found himself both petrified, and inspired. What an incredible aim she had! Now he imagined if he were the target instead.  </p><p>"I-I’m sorry-- what exactly are we talking about?" the smile on his face was now fueled purely by anxiety. For a second there, he was sure she had somehow seen through his facade. </p><p>DuBois was getting exceptionally frustrated. She reached over and ripped her knife out of the seagull.</p><p>"Oh please. Don’t play dumb. You have spent all evening trying to capture my attention," she seethed, very intensely wiping the blood off of her blade. “Doing all of these…. Strange things to impress me…”</p><p><em>What??? </em>Was she telling him that she was IMPRESSED? By <em>HIM??????</em> Impressed by how he punched her and kicked her, and contorted his body all willy nilly, and dunked himself into a barrel of water, and ate a fossa leg whole? Was THAT what she was impressed by? Just him acting like a freak? Just him… being himself? Well, mostly himself, anyway. She liked that???? Wow. That was kind of sad.</p><p> He had intended on coming up with a plan to impress her but it turned out he was already doing it, and accidentally! Who would have thunk that his natural freakish nature was appealing. It made sense, though. DuBois was a weirdo too. So obviously she would gravitate towards somebody of a similar...freakishness....</p><p>He better confirm this, just to be sure.</p><p>“So…” Dave looked around and tapped his “fingers” together. “<em>Are </em>you impressed ooorrrr………?”</p><p>DuBois was once again left speechless, the deadly and enraged aura melting from both her face and overall demeanor. Dave managed to baffle her every time he spoke. Who could blame her though? It was hard to be mad at that geeky looking peanut head. </p><p>“Yes, you idiot,” DuBois snapped, putting her knife aside. She left her seat and grabbed one of the seawater barrels.</p><p>Dave was about to go on a tangent about his impossibly high IQ level, but then he realized what she had said. </p><p>“...You are?” the surprise in his voice was genuine. Did she really just confirm the whole “impressing” thing? She REALLY thought that? Dave had honestly thought he had misheard her or scrambled up her words terribly. He didn’t actually expect her to find him impressive by any stretch of the imagination. It was a good feeling. He felt valid. Well, partially valid. He had to remind himself he was still in a disguise, walking around, looking like somebody else. But he still felt pretty happy about the whole thing.</p><p>“What’s uh, so impressive about me, if I might ask??” Dave only asked because he wanted to hear everything he was doing right. He could take notes and like, do it more. Whatever works! She had made the mistake of enabling him though. He was just going to simp even harder now.  </p><p>“I am not talking to you anymore tonight. Go to sleep.” DuBois hissed, and she hoisted the barrel above her head, and dumped the water onto the fire. If Dave didn’t have his nature-given-animal-sensing-abilities, he probably would have thought DuBois was an octopus in disguise, too. She was sooo strong. He wondered if she could bench press him? Probably!</p><p>Darkness enveloped them quickly as the fire was immediately killed. All that was left was the sad, sad popping of a few dying embers. DuBois hurled the barrel aside and laid down on the ground, curled up like a cat. Just like that. No blankets, or pillows, or tents, or anything. Dave couldn’t believe it, but he also couldn’t judge her. He liked to sleep in tiny aquariums. </p><p>“You’re going to bed? Already?” he sounded very disappointed. He was hoping they’d like, I don’t know, “bond” more or something. “Oh! Where do I sleep?”</p><p>“I don’t care. Just be quiet.” </p><p>“Okiedokie!” </p><p>So Dave literally just crawled into the other  seawater barrel from earlier. DuBois was fine with him being the way that he was, right? She was ~impressed~ by it, even, so… what did Dave have to lose? It was all win win now! He sank down into the water, practically disappearing. That was better! Cold and wet. It might have looked like an incredibly uncomfortable and tight fit, but for an octopus, anything worked. There was nothing they couldn’t fit comfortably inside of. Oh, the superior boneless life. </p><p>“Qu'est devenu ma vie…” DuBois mumbled, purposely repositioning herself so that she was no longer facing the barrel’s direction. </p><p>Dave quickly resurfaced to say one more thing. He spoke in a much quieter, and calmer tone now, but it was still just as jovial. He gave her a polite smile, even if she was turned the other way. </p><p>“Thank you for dinner, Miss DuBois.” </p><p>…</p><p>A less than enthusiastic and possibly sarcastic voice replied</p><p>“My pleasure, monsieur...” </p><p> …</p><p>That night, Dave had a dream. Thankfully, it was not his reoccuring nightmare of waking up as the main course of a mukbang, or the other one where he was stuck in a snowglobe, inhaling glycerin for all eternity. Frankly he was used to either having bizarre nightmares, or just no dreams at all, but sadly it was usually the former. Tonight however, something different occured. He had a <em>good</em> dream. </p><p>Dave dreamt that DuBois had become his business “partner” of sorts. She was always there with him, at the conventions and the ceremonies and the interviews... always by his side. Beating up penguins and North Wind agents, bringing true justice to the animal kingdom...And when he retreated back to his submarine, she was there too, and they’d eat fish and watch fun movies together. A constant companion and partner. Joined at the hip. Dave was never alone.</p><p>But then came the most disturbing part of his dream. The most jarring. The most shocking. The most insane. Dave couldn’t believe his mind was capable of going to such a forbidden place…..</p><p>
  <strong>They held hands.</strong>
</p><p>That’s right. HAND HOLDING. As in, they held each other’s HANDS. Did you hear that? They. Held. Hands. HANDS!!! HAND HOLDING!!!!!!!!! WOOOAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! Dave couldn’t comprehend it. How could he be so inappropriate?? Shame on you Dave.</p><p>And the worst thing….. Dave really liked it. No, in fact, he LOVED it. He treasured every fleeting second he had in that dream, especially the forbidden hand holding bits. He felt so… happy. </p><p>But this was a revelation for Dave, something he had never expected to even THINK about, something that was frowned upon by both animal, and mankind. Did he… <em>like </em>DuBois?? Did he have romantic feelings for her, if that even made sense???? Dave wouldn't know! He had never been in any sort of relationship with anybody in his entire life. He stayed away from female octopuses, and he certainly didn’t swim around the ocean looking for sexy marine animals or whatever. Romance had always been the last of his priorities, rather he was focused on penguins and revenge and humans and all that. Yet… here he was…. Debating whether or not he was feeling such things for a HUMAN BEING. Golly. He was falling apart more and more everyday.</p><p>There were rumors that had spread around the animal world some years back about a honeybee falling in love with a human. But he also apparently sued the human race, so the state of his sanity was greatly in question. Hadn’t Dave tried to eradicate the entire penguin population though? Maybe there was a running theme here. Regardless, it just made Dave more confused, and he wondered if this was normal. Or if maybe, he was more of a freak than even he thought originally. </p><p>It was definitely weird, there was no getting around that, but… Dave couldn’t help it.  It wasn’t his fault he felt more connected to the human race than he did his own species, or animals in general. The facade of Dr. Octavius Brine was evidence of that. He adored humans, and they had always been the apple of his eye. He never really expected to have <em>feelings </em>for one, though. DuBois was different, and horrifying in all the right ways, and he really liked that.</p><p>But… how was he to go about this? Was it wrong of him to pursue such a thing? He just wanted her constant companionship, was that so much to ask? Hand holding would be epic too. What if she found out he was an octopus though? Would she freak out and eat him or something? Eh… he was kind of afraid of that already even as Dr. Brine. </p><p>Dave could keep up this charade forever, couldn’t he? He was a true human as far as everybody was concerned. If they never found out, what was the harm??? DuBois didn’t have to know that he was really just a big purple octopus in a wig or anything. But was that rude? Manipulative? No? He didn’t have any malicious intentions he-- he just wanted to be loved. He was still the same, wasn’t he? Whether he was Dave or Brine, he still talked and acted the same, it was just his appearance that changed. He wasn’t lying about too much…. right?</p><p>Suddenly, Dave was jarred wide awake, his moral dilemma put on hold for another time. There was a loud, rhythmic whirring up above, and an incredibly strong wind. Dave started thrashing around in his barrel, trying to figure out what was going on when he tipped  himself over on accident, and he rolled right out in a small gush of water. It was a miracle his disguise stayed intact during all of these things he went through, really. A real miracle.</p><p>Dave rolled into DuBois with a wet plop (he was extremely soggy at the moment, obviously) and she yelled in both surprise and anger.</p><p>“GET OFF OF ME YOU BOZO!” she screamed,  immediately trying to choke him out. Not that Dave really even had a neck to begin with, it was more just like this roll of  fat. It was hard to tell what body part was what with Dr. Brine, especially not knowing he was actually an octopus. He was an enigma, that was for sure. </p><p>Dave was gagging, frantically slapping at her face like some sort of cat. The two were beating each other up, <em>again, </em>so wrapped up with each other that they almost didn’t notice the absolute chaos unfolding above them. </p><p>A searchlight illuminated the two, and they both immediately froze, squinting up at the perpetrator.  Dave finally realized what was happening, and why the wind was all crazy, etc. One of his large purple helicopters was hovering above the trees, his henchmen inside. He could hear their ecstatic burbling. <em>OH. SHOOT.</em></p><p>With everything that had been going on, Dave had somehow almost forgotten about his henchmen and the base. Well, he didn’t forget, but it was very low in his priorities when he met DuBois. He was so infatuated with her, he neglected the entire reason he came to this island in the first place. Whoopsie daisy. His poor henchmen were probably traumatized, they had just barely got Dave back after he had been trapped in that snowglobe, and then he disappeared into the forest. They were probably already setting the memorial back up. He wondered what was going through their heads right now, as they peered down at him, tangled up with this human. </p><p>“<em>What is that?</em>” DuBois hissed, releasing her chokehold on Dave. </p><p>Dave coughed and rubbed his “neck,” and waved up at the helicopter. He wanted to make sure they knew this human was an ally, even though the first thing they saw was her strangling him.</p><p>“Just one of my helicopters!” Dave assured her. He realized he’d have to come up with some logical explanation for why a bunch of octopuses were coming to his rescue. And, why he had a legion of octopuses to begin with. “Those are my… uhm… pets. Yes! You know me, marine biology and all… They are my highly trained octopuses. Very, very intelligent and beautiful creatures…” </p><p>DuBois’ mouth was agape. She kept looking up at the helicopter and then back down at Dave. There really were no words for it. She was all sorts of amazed and confused. </p><p>“You trained them to fly aircraft,” she commented. She was definitely impressed again. “You surprise me more and more, monsieur.”</p><p>Dave smiled nervously. “Yup yup…”</p><p>After some more distant burbling, a rescue ladder was flung down. It dangled before the two, wavering in the wind. Dave was about to reach out and grab it, but he paused and looked to DuBois.</p><p>“Miss DuBois,” he began politely. He could feel his stomach twisting into little knotts. “You showed such hospitality to me… might I return the favor?”</p><p>There was definitely some hesitation, maybe a dash of  reluctance, perhaps even a sprinkle of distrust. Dave could see something in her eyes, something akin to fear or uncertainty. From what he had learned about her so far, he assumed she probably struggled to trust people. She was extremely independent, always in control, maybe afraid to take her own hands off the steering wheel and let somebody else drive, so to speak. Everybody had their own issues they needed to work out.</p><p>“Fine.” And DuBois took hold of the ladder. </p><p>Dave grinned and grabbed onto it as well. He was excited and yet so very anxious to see what might happen next, the possibilities this could entail. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you for the epic comments by the way they give me the strength to go on with this fever dream</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this one's a bit of a doozy<br/>important note also; my life has been exceptionally busy lately so i can't really promise how often i'll be able to publish new chapters. been thinking about looking for a friend or someone to maybe collab with a little on the last chapters, since this fic is actually getting pretty close to its end (as i said it's not going to be a very long or elaborate one lol)</p>
<p>ps. there is a direct quote from the bee movie in here somewhere, i trust the true bee movie connoisseurs will find it xoxo</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Madagascar was quite the beautiful place. A grand and luscious island continent, surrounded by the glistening sea, covered in rainforests that stretched for miles, inhabited by some of the world’s most… unique creatures. Dave was able to admire all of this as the helicopter flew over the vast landscape. He also realized how deep into the rainforest he and DuBois had been-- the flight took a while longer than he expected. But it was a nice little morning adventure, kind of like a morning jog or something.</p>
<p>While a few of Dave’s henchmen flew the helicopter, others had taken their places around Dave, bombarding him with questions and comments. Of course, most of them revolved around DuBois. Who was this lady? Why was she with Dave? Why was Dave camping with her? Why was she still here? Why did it look like she wanted to murder all of them? All questions to be answered, probably.</p>
<p>As the henchmen babbled on with their concerns, Dave only partially listened. To be frank, he was pretty distracted by DuBois-- aside from his hyperfixation, he was also just terrified she was going to try to eat one of his henchmen. So he had a hard time looking away from her.</p>
<p>DuBois was clearly uneasy about the whole situation; flying with a bunch of sentient cephalopods and whatnot. Her disdain was obvious, she made it obvious, scowling at the henchmen. She even scooted away from them and closer to Dave, which was terribly ironic. He was overjoyed by the small, miniscule gesture of what he believed to be some amount of trust. But then again, being surrounded by octopuses in a helicopter, your choices were limited. Even so, if that were truly the case, Dave didn’t care. All he knew was that DuBois seemed to be taking a liking to him-- maybe at least a little. Enough that she trusted him more than a bunch of octopuses. Wait-- was that saying much? Or anything really at all? <em>Maybe I should stop thinking about this… </em>Dave thought, and he realized he had been clenching his teeth. Anxiety always tended to get the better of him.</p>
<p>He watched as DuBois stared uncomfortably ahead, the disgust visible on her face. Definitely not too pumped about being encircled by animals. Dave was determined to change her views on that, though. At least on octopuses, the only animals that mattered, obviously. </p>
<p>“Fascinating creatures, aren’t they? Nine brains, eight tentacles, three hearts. The ocean’s show-offs, I call u-- them! Ruthless hunting machines, and masters of disguise. Hey! Just like you, Miss!” and Dave gave DuBois a slight nudge with his “elbow.” Her reflexes almost resorted to violence again, but she recognized the compliment and sat still. She murmured some incoherent reply, keeping her gaze low and away from Dave and the octopuses. It would have been a very awkward and odd way to shove someone in a conversation, but given it was DuBois, it worked quite well. She seemed maybe, at least a little bit flattered. A <em>little </em>bit<em>. </em>That was progress, right?</p>
<p>The henchmen gave each other quizzical looks,  burbling quietly among themselves, still trying to comprehend this weird situation. They were wary of DuBois, and rightfully so. She was a human woman, wearing a torn up animal control uniform, and covered in dried blood. Everything about her was a giant, waving red flag. They were bewildered that Dave seemed so eager to keep her onboard. Dave was just glad DuBois didn’t speak octopus, although the skeptical and heavily judgemental stares she kept giving his henchmen made him wonder what she was thinking.</p>
<p>“Slimy,” she sniffed, staring at the wet trails the octopuses left behind, Dave included. She did her best to keep her heels from the mess, but it was pretty much inevitable. She was hanging out with a bunch of octopuses. And, given her little tussle with Dave when they had woken up that morning, she was already a bit slimy herself. Eugh. Things were off to a bit of a rocky start today. </p>
<p>“Ah, slime, haha, yes, they’re just… full of it!” Dave quickly looked to change the subject. I mean, who wants to talk about slime anyways? “B-but nevertheless, amazing animals. Hyper intelligence and all of that good stuff. Much, MUCH more interesting than stupid little penguins and…” he trailed off and realized he was getting a little too personal. Luckily, DuBois didn’t really seem to mind. Or care. </p>
<p>“And you trained them to <em>control</em> a <em>helicopter…</em> you must be well-experienced in training animals, Monsieur. And they understand you? Huh... what else can they do? Dumb little animal tricks?” DuBois dipped her head towards the cockpit, from which the henchmen were blaring cheesy 80’s rock-- specifically from the mixtape Dave had set up for lengthy travels. She couldn’t hide the fact that she was impressed by this. Well, impressed and disgusted. But that was a common response to really anything Dave did. He was just kind of like that.</p>
<p>Dave sat up a little straighter and laughed half-heartedly.</p>
<p>“Hahah! <em>Pleeeeeease</em>! They know PLENTY of tricks, obviously! Uh--” he frantically pointed to one of the henchmen, who was sitting in the cabin with them. They looked mortified, as most henchmen did whenever they were picked for something. “Cedric! Entertain her!”</p>
<p>The unfortunate henchman obliged, although you could tell they had no idea what they were doing. They just sort of wiggled around and twirled, and did strange things with their tentacles. It was hypnotic in a way. Hypnotic in a very, very, scary way. </p>
<p>DuBois raised an eyebrow, watching this display in silent bewilderment. Once again, there were no words. She even gave Dave a few questioning glances here and there. This was probably a very unique day for her, but then again, she chased down a pack of zoo animals driving a nuclear powered van so really, how anything could be a surprise for her anymore was a mystery. </p>
<p>Seeing the lack of excitement on her face (and rather more, the presence of complete and utter confusion) Dave coughed and waved the henchman off. </p>
<p>“U-uh, terrific job, thank you!” he turned to DuBois and smiled awkwardly. “Just a little taste of what they can do-- we’re… still working on the dance routines, if you couldn't tell, haha…” </p>
<p>She was perplexed.</p>
<p>“The bizarre man you are. You and all of your… dancing… pet... octopuses. How interesting, Monsieur."</p>
<p>There were several gurgles of protest and alarm, but Dave was swift to make it clear they had to go along with it. The henchmen were quieted by Dave's both threatening and yet pleading glare. He’d apologize to them later.</p>
<p>"Aha! Yeees! Pets,” he smiled and reached over to pat one on the head. The henchman went with it, as offended as they were. They quickly scampered off to the cockpit, the remaining henchmen following them. There was some regret among them about joining the search party now. Dave felt bad, but what other option did he have? He was just trying to play the part here! Maybe he could soften the blow a bit.</p>
<p>“They are like family to me. You know the type of people who view dogs as their children? Well that’s me! Just with, ehm, hundreds of octopuses…” okay. That was significantly worse, and much weirder. Why did he say that? He kept his gaze low after that, and just stared impatiently out the window.</p>
<p>Everybody was silent, the only sounds filling up the emptiness being the helicopter’s rotors, and Rupert Holmes’ “Escape,” the current jam playing on Dave’s mixtape. It really added to the atmosphere.</p>
<p>“You must be a horribly lonely man.” DuBois finally said, her tone indistinguishable for the most part. Was that sympathy? Or maybe just pity. It was probably pity… but hit him right in all three of his hearts.</p>
<p>The enthusiasm melted right from his face, and all that was left was a forced, pained smile.</p>
<p>“Ha… you have no idea.”</p>
<p>The atmosphere quickly became a lot more depressing, with Dave being consumed by his whirlpool of thoughts again, and DuBois sitting there and examining him in silence. He was sure she was reading him as easily as she might a book. Specifically, one of those “for dummies” books. Unlike her, he was very emotive, and it was TOO easy to tell how he was feeling. </p>
<p>He <em>was</em> very lonely, wasn’t he? Reminded once again of how he was surrounded by hundreds upon hundreds of fellow octopuses, and yet, still alone. He went over that spiel already. A hundred billion times, really, in his own mind. The pity party was pretty constant in Dave’s brains.</p>
<p>
  <em>Yes, I like piña coladas,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And getting caught in the rain,</em>
</p>
<p>Now, try to imagine Dave's face when he realized that DuBois had deliberately placed a hand on his arm. He hadn't seen her do it, but very, very hesitantly she had put it there. It was so tentative, you could see it was a kind of brash decision on DuBois' part. Something not quite usual of her, and she knew that too. It was all over her severely conflicted expression!</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m not much into health food,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I am into champagne,</em>
</p>
<p>Dave stared down at her hand, wide eyed and at a real loss for words. She was…. Touching him?? On purpose??? Was that supposed to be a friendly gesture? Was DuBois being NICE??? He was positively bamboozled, his mouth hanging open and everything. </p>
<p>
  <em>I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And cut through all this red tape,</em>
</p>
<p>It looked as if she wanted to say something, but she was cut off by urgent gurgles as several henchmen scrambled out into the cabin. DuBois retracted her hand at lightning speed, completely recoiling away from Dave. She had even scooted a good foot or so away from him, crossing her arms, that stern look defining her facial features again. Dave was gravely disappointed that whatever “moment” they were possibly about to have was just stripped away, and he felt that he was back on ground zero. It was also possible she was just going to threaten him or do something horrible again, but he didn't care. That was still a moment! Right?</p>
<p>"What?" Dave didn't even bother masking the irritation in his voice now. He was peeved, frankly! At least “Escape” was still playing.</p>
<p>One of the henchmen pointed eagerly out one of the windows, where the ocean’s glittering reflection of sunlight nearly blinded Dave. He covered his eyes momentarily, before he quickly took a look for himself. He did not stay irritated for very long, because as soon as he realized they were finally back at the beach, the joy came flooding right back. The funk was gone in an instant, or at least, pushed aside for now.</p>
<p>“Oh! We’re here!” Dave cried, launching up from his seat. He practically smashed himself against the window, his face glued to the glass. There was a wild grin on his face, all of life’s woes and tragedies distant from him at that moment. His submarine! Ohh, he couldn’t wait to show DuBois. He hoped it would appease her. It had to. She had spent the last several months of her life living in a JUNGLE. Surely, a massive multi-million dollar octopus-shaped submarine would be adequate. </p>
<p>As the helicopter was making its landing, Dave rushed back to DuBois’ side. She was staring out the window with those unreadable eyes. Admiring something of Dave’s, he hoped! The beach was teeming with his genius. The purple helicopters. The submerged naval vessels. The laboring octopus hordes. What was there NOT to admire?</p>
<p>“Impressive, isn’t it?” Dave cocked his head at a pretty unnatural angle and smiled. “It’s not much-- yet! But soon, <em>oh</em>, it will be! I am absolutely elated to show you the submarine…” </p>
<p>When they finally and officially landed, DuBois got up and brushed herself off. The henchmen were already filing out of the helicopter, burbling to the others on the beach about their success. Soon, dozens of octopuses were gathering around, eager to see their leader once again. Oh! And they had made a cake! Wonderful! Even the weird seagulls seemed to be interested, watching intently from their roosts on the abandoned ship.</p>
<p>Dave was excited to greet them (again) but his attention for the most part was still on DuBois. He stood there, waiting for her patiently.</p>
<p>“Isn’t that sweet? They made a little cake. Do you like cake?”</p>
<p>DuBois squinted. “On a worthy occasion.” </p>
<p>“Well what a better worthy occasion than the gracing of your presence here at my little base!” and Dave extended a hand towards her, inferring that he wanted to escort her out of the helicopter. DuBois didn’t say anything else, she only growled and took Dave’s hand begrudgingly. Happily, he assisted her out of the helicopter, and onto the warm sand below. There, all of the henchmen were gathered, the air full of triumphant burbles and gurgles, and then, burbles of alarm and shock. Gurgles of confusion, and curiosity, and horror. Their boss was back (again). Yay! But who was this wild human woman with the bloodstains?</p>
<p>Dave cleared his throat and presented DuBois to the horde as one might a queen, or some other respectable figure of royalty. He patted her shoulder absent mindedly, and she glared at the cephalopod army before her. She looked a lot like a resentful student being called up during an assembly to accept some reward for acing a bunch of math tests or something.</p>
<p>“My loyal legion! My brave battalion! There’s somebody I’d like you to meet,” the henchmen were in awe. “Please! Give your warmest welcomes to miss Captain Chantel DuBois! She is going to be our guest for…” </p>
<p>He looked down at her in hopes she’d give him some estimation on how long she planned to stay. It was never something they had discussed, really, but this seemed like the perfect time to. On the spot in front of hundreds! What could be a better way to make an important decision?</p>
<p>DuBois only glared. No words.</p>
<p>To say the octopuses looked concerned was a major understatement. There were many gossiping burbles.</p>
<p>“...Some time! Yes! So please, be on your best behavior! If she needs anything, anything at ALL, you are to give it to her ASAP. Now, carry on with your duties everyone, I have my own matters to attend to!”</p>
<p>There was a lot of confused mumbling among the henchmen as they split up and returned to their jobs, still wondering what exactly was going on. Even the seagulls nearby took off and flapped their way off towards the sea. </p>
<p>Dave was hoping he’d have a chance at some point to further elaborate the situation at hand, but for now, the henchmen would just have to hold on to the little information they were given.</p>
<p>A few of them passed by Dave, looking at him as if he had gone off his rockers. Wondering why he would let what they believed to be the enemy into their base. They were worried he had been brainwashed or something. They definitely weren’t going to let their guards down any time soon… they lost him once, they weren’t going to lose him again! They watched DuBois with untrusting eyes.</p>
<p>Dave grinned at DuBois smugly, leaning against the helicopter as if he had truly shown her the most amazing thing in the world. He looked pretty proud.</p>
<p>“Bet you’ve never seen so many octopuses in one place before, huh?”</p>
<p>“No… I cannot say I have... “</p>
<p>“Well! It only gets better!” he stepped away from the helicopter and did a dramatic little spin, pointing with both “hands” in a very extravagant manner to the Brine Submarine II, which was still partially submerged in the water. Its glorious form, hidden in the sea, a mere fragment visible. He couldn’t <em>wait.</em></p>
<p>“How would you like a little exclusive tour of my submarine, Miss DuBois? Pick out your room and whatnot?” AGAIN, he offered his hand. But this time, instead of accepting it, DuBois slowly pushed it out of the way.</p>
<p>“With all due respect, Monsieur, I don’t recall ever explicitly agreeing to stay with you,” he wasn’t sure how much respect was actually there. It was a pretty snide reply. Yet, before Dave’s hearts could shatter into a trillion pieces, DuBois went on. “But… it has been a terribly long time since I have had a proper bed to rest on, and access to an actual bathroom…” </p>
<p>Dave’s face lit up. He was about to go berserk, his happiness overflowing. </p>
<p>“Oh! That’s terrifi--”</p>
<p>Then, DuBois grabbed him by the collar of his labcoat, and pulled him close. Dave shut up, and listened carefully. </p>
<p>“Let me make something <em>very</em> clear to you,” DuBois snarled in a low and quiet voice. “I am NOT staying because of you, or for you. <em>No</em>. I am simply accepting your offer of hospitality, do you understand that? Nothing more. It is not because of you!”</p>
<p>That was kind of an odd thing to say, wasn’t it? To Dave, it sounded like she was actually trying to convince herself of that more than she was him. But what did Dave know? A lot of things, actually, but not much when it came to scenarios like this.</p>
<p>So he just nodded quickly, doing his best to assure her that he understood. </p>
<p>“Yes, ma’am,” was all he really managed to get out. That, and a little nervous smile. As soon as DuBois released him from her death-grip, Dave fell to the ground, although he sprung back up practically in an instant. As soon as DuBois had turned away from him to survey the area around them, Dave took the opportunity to swoon over her. <em>Wow. </em>What a terrific, terrific woman! She was always ready to kill him, just like that! Ahh. She was great. The guilt of falling in love with a human was weighing heavily on his metaphorical and nonexistent shoulders, but he just couldn’t help it. What was he supposed to do?? Stop feeling feelings??? </p>
<p>“Now, show me this ‘grand’ submarine of yours,” DuBois demanded, snapping her fingers impatiently. “I have high expectations, Monsieur-Million-Dollar-Geneticist.” </p>
<p>Dave crowed. “With pleasure!”</p>
<p>And he led her onward as the henchmen watched them with rising suspicions and worries. They gurgled among each other with their great concerns, and ideas on how they might go about this. </p>
<p>…</p>
<p>The Brine Submarine II was a few dozen yards from the shore, and with no docks built yet, Dave and DuBois had to take a helicopter to get to it. It seemed like the easiest route to take, given the other idea Dave had was using his henchmen as little boats again. There was also swimming, but who wanted to swim such a distance? He was an octopus sure, he was born for swimming but he had a facade to keep up, mind you! So yeah, no. Instead, a couple of the henchmen assisted them, and flew the two over to the submarine. There they were able to slip in with ease.</p>
<p> It was just them and the submarine now. All of the henchmen were outside on the island, working on the base and other necessities. Dave was kind of relieved to have this sort of alone time with her, and inside, where he preferred to be most. Away from the prying eyes of society, and the wild. This was going to be delightful.</p>
<p>In no time at all, Dave began his exclusive tour, telling DuBois every little thing about his precious submarine. Explaining the purposes of various rooms and areas, the mechanics and machinery, how it maneuvered its way through the sea, a couple of  fun facts, etc. When he said he was giving her a tour, he wasn’t kidding. He just wanted to make sure she was accustomed to her temporary “home.”</p>
<p>“Now, here is my laboratory! It’s where all the sciencey stuff happens, as you can most likely tell,” Dave was throwing his arms up in a grand manner as he showed off one of the largest sections in the submarine; his beloved laboratory. It still had some work to be done, and wasn’t quite as stunning as the original (thanks, North Wind) but it was still pretty great. “You think this is impressive? Well! It’s nothing compared to my research facility in Venice. You should see the size of that place! It’s just amazing!”</p>
<p>DuBois did not speak for most of the tour, taking in the sights silently. She was still following him though, so he assumed that was a good sign. And she seemed to listen with a genuine interest, so really,  Dave was having a blast. It felt great showing off all of his favorite things like this, especially to a human. A human, who he may or may have not developed very complicated feelings for. </p>
<p>“Ah, so you are an even bigger geek than I thought,” DuBois commented as she peered into several glasses and beakers. “Do you do <em>anything </em>else? Or has your life been completely and utterly consumed by science?" </p>
<p>Dave scoffed. "Duh! Of course I do other things--" what exactly did Dave do throughout the day? Eat cheese? Cry? Mope around? Watch movies? Play cards? He wasn't sure if that was any better, so in a clumsy move of self-defense he got sarcastic. "Uh, what about YOU, Madam, do you do anything else or has beating up stray animals on the streets of Monaco consumed YOUR life?"</p>
<p>A sinister sort of grin spread over DuBois’ face, and she shrugged nonchalantly. She chuckled a little at the remark. "Ha. Touché. Touché,” she set a beaker down and turned to Dave, looking to him with expectant eyes. She vaguely motioned to the space around them. “So...Is that it?”</p>
<p>He blinked again, baffled and offended. “Pfff-- is that it!-- IS THAT IT! As IF! Well, let me ask you this! Ever seen a death machine before??” of course, one of his most genius and morbid creations yet. Sadly… it was not as grand as his last one (<em>again</em>, thanks North Wind) but it was just as grotesque. And sure to get a good reaction out of DuBois! Ohoho! If she wasn’t a fan of the lab, she’d DEFINITELY enjoy this.</p>
<p>Personally, Dave wasn’t all too fond of death (he thought it was gross, as previously stated) but what was a villain without their overly complex murder devices? Besides, it’s not like he watched it. When he sentenced the North Wind agents to the death machine, Dave made sure he was FAR from what they called “the screaming radius.” He didn’t really have any interest in it, and rather, left his henchmen in charge of it. Sometimes they’d put plushie penguins on it just for kicks. But, for the most part, it was just for looks and intimidation. He was a sadist in his own ways, unrelated to death.</p>
<p>“<em>Death machine</em>?” DuBois echoed. Oh, Dave had caught her interest alright. There was a grim yet fascinated look about her, and he could tell she was enraptured by the thought. This was right up her bloodthirsting alley.</p>
<p>“Monsieur… you must show me this immediately.” And she grabbed onto one of his arms with a firm, kind of painful grip. But Dave was absolutely delighted, and he was already feeling all mushy-gushy inside-- this was going great! This was a good sign! She didn’t seem to totally despise him! Wooooowie! Now this was progress. He just hoped that she didn’t realize he was lacking bones in his arm.</p>
<p>Dave dipped his head politely, unable to take his eyes off of DuBois’ iron-grip.<em> Ow.</em></p>
<p>“Alrighty then! Right this way, Madam~!” and the two made their way towards the back of the sub.</p>
<p>What Dave didn’t know, however, was that they were far from alone. They were being watched, observed, judged. By the henchmen? Oh, no, no. A much more devious force was at hand, a disgruntled sea mammal…. Dave was far too engrossed in his affections to even notice. It wouldn’t be too much longer, though. They were just waiting for the right time, the perfect opportunity, lurking outside the submarine.</p>
<p>Now, Dave and DuBois had spent a good portion of their time at the death machine. He entertained DuBois with one of the plushie penguins, strapping it into the device and giving her a demonstration on how the whole thing worked. As expected, she loved it. Adored it. Was really kind of obsessed over it. In the short span of time he had known her, Dave had never seen her so hyped. It wasn’t really your typical excitement, though, but more of this macabre and highly disturbing sense of pleasure derived from a giant murder device. But nonetheless! He was just happy to see her happy, even in such a circumstance as this. He would have done anything to see that genuine happiness on her face.</p>
<p>A bell dinged, signaling the end of yet another death machine trial. The cart rolled back down, and there strapped in the seat were the charred, torn and ultimately destroyed remains of a plush toy. This was probably the fifth or sixth run they did, given Dave had a plethora of penguin merchandise for destructive purposes. They could have easily gone on all day if they really wanted to. A fine way to spend your time.</p>
<p>“Wooowie, look at that one!” Dave coughed, attempting to fan the smoke away as he pointed to the obliterated plushie. They’d just add it to the pile along with the rest.</p>
<p>DuBois laughed as she poked at the plush remains. She had this wild, frightening look on her face. It was very feral. “Haha! That is a dead penguin if I have ever seen one,” she sneered,  poking at it some more. “Stupid bird.”</p>
<p>“Hahaha! Yeah! Stupid bird!” it was nice to let out all of his inner frustrations and pent up anger-- most of which (okay, maybe all of which) was directed towards penguins. This was actually a pretty good outlet, and  surprisingly fun. He was enjoying this strange, strange experience he was sharing with Miss DuBois.</p>
<p>They messed around with all of the plushie remains for a while more, looking like absolute psychopaths, at one point DuBois even joking about it “raining intestines” as the plush fluff floated around the air. As scary as that might sound, Dave found it hysterical, just happy to see someone share such a mutual hatred for penguins. He didn’t care much for gore, but it was a fun little hypothetical and, as he said, a great outlet for all that penguin-based rage. He had no idea how long they had been in there, just condemning plush penguins to death and throwing around their fluffy innards in celebration. They probably didn’t realize how insane they looked, but they really couldn’t help it. Excitement was in the air! Watching plush toys get demolished by a torture device did that to you.</p>
<p>Soon, however, DuBois noticed how much more of a mess she had become. On top of the dried blood, slime, mud, and whatever else now was a bunch of plush fluff. She looked like she had partied hard. Much, much too hard. But that’s what happens when you spend months in the wild destroying the marsupial population. You begin to look like a bit of a wreck. Oh, right, she was supposed to be staying in the submarine for the bed and the bathroom, not because of Dave…. hm…..</p>
<p>“<em>Merde</em>, I forgot about the filth,” DuBois cringed, flicking some of the fluff off her shoulder. She sighed and glanced up at Dave, who was still clutching the remnants of one of the plushies. “Where might the restroom be, in this grandiose place of yours?” </p>
<p>Lucky for DuBois, Dave’s submarine was armed with all sorts of goodies-- including human bathrooms. Why would a bunch of octopuses need human bathrooms? They didn’t, really. Dave just insisted that upon its construction (both the Brine Submarine and its current successor) that human bathrooms were to be included. Not only did he want to be prepared for any human visitors, but he wanted to push himself to be as human in every possible way. It took a lot of effort and willpower to perfect the persona of Dr. Brine. He wanted to be authentic, well, as much as he could be anyway.</p>
<p>Dave grinned sheepishly, letting the plushie bits in his arms plumett to the floor. He rushed ahead and immediately started off down the hall, making some obscure gesture along the way. “Oh! Right this way, right this way!” he called. DuBois followed not too far behind, murmuring some more incoherent French words again.</p>
<p>Maybe it was too soon to say, but Dave was fairly certain their day was going great. This was a real fantastic start! A morning helicopter flight. A submarine tour. Some fun at the death machine. And they were talking more! And enjoying things together! Everything was great, and nothing could possibly go wrong!</p>
<p>	He took her all the way across the submarine, until finally they reached the conn room. It actually wasn't too long of a venture-- they basically speed-walked the whole way there. Dave was hoping to impress her with his very nice and very normal human bathrooms. He gave her some time to admire his setup, and all of its flashy lights, buttons and the giant sea-gazing windows. And of course, Dave’s custom made swivel chair. Oh, he loved that chair. A very nifty control room if he did say so himself.</p>
<p>	“The bathroom is right over yonder! See it? With the little cute human sign? My prized bathroom!” Dave was pointing to the back of the conn, and DuBois nodded hesitantly. The “little cute human sign” that was hung on the door was a crude crayon drawn picture of Dr. Brine. </p>
<p>	DuBois gave him a dubious glance as she approached it, examining the unique sign.</p>
<p>	“...You are certain I can use that? It seems oddly... exclusive...” </p>
<p>	“Of course! You know what they say-- ‘mi casa es tu casa’! That’s French, right?”</p>
<p>	 “No. Not at all.”</p>
<p> After struggling with the handle (slimy, thanks to octopus use), DuBois muttered something before finally disappearing behind the door. Dave was left alone in the conn, staring after her, wondering. He sighed blissfully, and slumped down into his chair. He hoped she enjoyed his state of the art restroom. It had everything a human could ever need, probably, hopefully. </p>
<p>	Sitting in silence, enjoying the ambiance of this little underwater world of his, Dave spun around in his chair idly and thought about DuBois. Yes. Perfect, lovely DuBois. Sweet, sweet DuBois. What an <em>angel</em>! Oh, how all of his hearts ached at the thought of that bloody face. That horrifying, gorgeous face. And her frizzled, curly red hair.  Those wild eyes! That pointy nose! She was just lovely. Every single part of her. He wished he could hold her hand… It was a scandalous thought but he couldn’t help it! </p>
<p>	Dave spun around in his chair some more, for once, his train of thought not going completely downhill or spiraling into some depressing whirlpool of misery. This time, his thoughts were consumed by daydreams, in which he imagined DuBois and him doing all sorts of fun and cute things together. Oh, and eradicating penguins or whatever. </p>
<p>	Why was he so obsessed with her? Why was he feeling these things for a human?? Again and again, he asked himself that burning question. Why, why couldn’t he have fallen in love with like, I don’t know, a shark or something! Why did DuBois have to be so perfect… he wouldn’t be having this moral dilemma if she wasn’t such an amazing lady. Goooooooooolllly! </p>
<p>Suddenly, in the midst of his love-struck-crisis fueled chair spinning, he caught a glimpse of something. Something outside the conn room’s front window. No. Some<em>one. </em>Dave stopped himself, and slowly turned his chair to face his adversary. He was greeted by a dolphin, staring into the window with a sly and mischievous grin.</p>
<p>“Well well well! Long time no see, <em>Da-a-a-a-a-ave</em>.”</p>
<p>His old friend, Francis! Or Flippy or something like that. What was he doing all the way out here!? Dave was beyond shocked, really. He didn't really anticipate meeting him here, or really anywhere ever again. It had been <em>ages</em>! He recalled having a lot of edgy conversations with him. They both had rotten experiences with zoos and aquariums, although it was not always that way...</p>
<p>“Francis??” he stared up at him, dumbstruck, and jumped up from his seat.</p>
<p>The grin quickly disappeared from the dolphin’s face. </p>
<p>“BLOWHOLE!” he hissed, smashing his face up against the glass. “<em>DOC-TOR </em>BLOW-HOLE! Can you hear me, you senseless cephalopod?!"</p>
<p>Dave found it quite humorous. He laughed in a lighthearted manner and tapped where Blowhole's snout was pressed. “Well, frankly I'm kind of surprised I can hear you at all-- do you have any idea how hard it is to make windows that can withstand the crushing pressure of the ocean? The amount of LAYERS these things have? It's like bulletproof glass on steroids--" </p>
<p>Blowhole groaned and dragged his flippers across his face. It had only been like twenty seconds and he was already exhausted by this conversation. </p>
<p>"I didn’t come here to learn about your stupid windows," he seethed. “This is about me simultaneously threatening and warning you. About my devious plan, and your <em>human. </em>The human female you have-- <em>hrrrk-- </em>fallen in love with. Sorry, I vomited in my mouth a little bit.”</p>
<p>Dave was petrified-- about the DuBois thing, not Blowhole’s devious plan. It was a much larger concern in Dave’s mind at the time. <em>Oh no</em>. Was it really that obvious?! Could the henchmen tell too? Or worse, could DUBOIS??? The mere idea absolutely tormented Dave. The fact that Blowhole knew was bad enough-- what if started going around and telling everybody? It’d be disastrous for his reputation! His reputation in the villainous animal community, that is. </p>
<p>He played it cool. “Ppppfffffff, what--what are you talking about, you silly dolphin??” he laughed awkwardly. “I-I’m not in love with anybody. No sirree. Just science!”</p>
<p>But Blowhole was smarter than that. He glowered at Dave and his lousy attempt, and just kept talking.</p>
<p> “Don’t waste your breath on petty lies, Dave. I see right through them. You see, ever since you arrived here on this forsaken island, I’ve been watching you. Yeees, watching YOU through the eyes of my elite agents! <em>The SEEgulls</em>-- pretend a terrifyingly deep voice said that-- perhaps you’ve seen them around~? They wear hyper-advanced technological goggles, <em>assembled by yours truly</em>, that are linked to my bionic eye. Gives me ma-a-a-a-a-assive migraines, but it’s worth it. There’s nothing I can’t see!”</p>
<p>Well now Dave felt kind of stupid. How did he not notice that those  seagulls from earlier were wearing big chunky evil looking glasses??? Was DuBois really distracting him THAT much? Wait! Were they also the ones roosting on the abandoned ship?! Wow! This was pathetic. But even more so scary, now that he realized Blowhole had been actively watching him this entire time. It was actually extremely creepy, and weird. Why was he doing that???? Just when you thought you had complete and total privacy in the wild, nope. An evil dolphin was out there somewhere using birds to stalk you. </p>
<p>“Ah…!  So that’s what you’ve been doing, stalking me,” Dave looked around, half-expecting one of them to be inside his submarine. Wouldn't really surprise him at this point. Anything felt possible and perfectly plausible. </p>
<p>"Eeeh, 'Stalking' is such an ugly word. I prefer 'constant non-consensual aerial observation and examination.' Sounds much better, don't you think?  I was just so intrigued by your incredibly disturbing interactions with this human. I found it remarkable-- in a repulsive and horrible sort of way, of course,”  Blowhole looked physically ill every time he mentioned DuBois. “I felt bad subjecting the gulls to your degeneracy firsthand, though, if I’m being honest.”</p>
<p>A wave of both  embarrassment and guilt washed over Dave. He hadn’t really even done anything wrong, but he still felt bad. Mostly ashamed, now realizing that a bunch of seagulls and Blowhole had seen him being a major simp, and for a human. Just his continued moral dilemma and his anguish over it all. Blowhole’s berating certainly wasn’t of any help.</p>
<p>He thought about the many seagulls he had seen in the last few days, one in particular holding a prominent spot in his memory. Mostly because it kind of traumatized him. </p>
<p> “So….. the seagulls are your weird little stalker cameras? What about that one back in the forest? The one DuBois threw a knife int--”</p>
<p>“<em>YES!</em> He was one of them. And he had a name; Darryl. He was my best agent,” Blowhole snapped, furious yet also sounding genuinely hurt. “I witnessed his demise through the others… it was a hard thing to watch. Now, they’re afraid to fly within a mile radius of you and your psychotic girlfriend, and I have to double their compensation!”</p>
<p>Dave tapped his chin and thought for a moment. “Weeell, what exactly are you paying them?”
	“Well, a few fish every hour but-- that doesn’t matter! We’re getting off track!" Blowhole put both of his flippers on the glass, and gave Dave his most menacing stare yet, trying to emphasize how very serious he was. It was hard to be intimidated by him though. He had such a shrill voice that constantly erupted into dolphin chirps, it was more cute than anything. And he just looked RIDICULOUS with that eye. But, he was cunning and wickedly smart. You had to be a fool to underestimate him, although he was essentially harmless on land without a segway or some other means of transportation. Nevertheless, Dave let him ramble on.</p>
<p> "<em>Listen, octopus</em>. You're treading very dangerous ground, and if you don't stop now, there will be no going back. You are becoming compliant with the enemy, more than you EVER have. Parading around as one of them was bad enough, but now, you’re flying too close to the sun. What you are doing is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature. We were never meant to be close with mankind! They have their cozy little houses and shopping malls, and we have the wild, and that’s how it should have always been. Life was never meant to be lived alongside these monsters. Not as pets, or zoo attractions, or slaves. And it was certainly not meant for a dopey sea animal to pretend he is one of them just so he could feel loved for being something he is NO-O-O-O-O-OT!”</p>
<p>Blowhole paused his passionate rant to catch his breath. His hatred for mankind was evident in every word he spoke, the disgust in his voice and the resentment in his eyes-- or, rather, eye. Dave didn’t say anything, but only stared solemnly at the buttons on the submarine’s console. Ouch. That kind of hurt. Blowhole carried on with his tirade. </p>
<p>“I’ve seen how hard you’ve tried over the years to gain back mankind’s affection, to somehow recreate what you had lost at the zoo. It was never really successful, was it? Dr. Octavius Brine was successful-- but that isn’t really <em>you, </em>is it? It’s just a mask you wear, because you know if they saw you as you truly were, they’d run away screaming in fear. Take you away and perform all sorts of cruel tests, probably. Stow you away in Area 51! Sure, maybe you’ve got a charming personality and all these great things going for you, but the fact of the matter is people don’t care about animals. Expendable, remember? That’s what we are to them.”</p>
<p>Still, Dave said nothing. </p>
<p>“What do you think that little human of yours is going to do when she finds out what you really are, Dave? Surely, there must be at least a drip of common sense left in you. Do you really think you can hide it forever? She’s the well-known captain of an animal control unit for Poseidon’s sake! She captures and kills animals everyday without even batting an eye, and you think you’re somehow going to be different? The moment she sees you for what you truly are, you’re a dead man-- no, excuse me! A dead <em>octopus</em>. Because that’s what you are, isn’t it Da-a-a-a-ave?”</p>
<p>Dave struggled to find the right words, or even words at all, really. He didn’t know what to say. He was usually pretty quick with his comebacks, but that quickness to speak evaded him this time. This was not the first occasion he and Blowhole had an in-depth conversation about humans. Not even the first time they had a conversation debating over the ethics of Dave’s human charade. He was never particularly bothered by Blowhole’s words, yet this time, they hit a little different. The sobering realization was sinking in a bit more, and Dave felt a sort of crushing feeling on his soul. What was it that had got to him? Perhaps it was because now, he knew DuBois. He had become relatively close and connected to someone on a personal level-- a human-- only to be reminded of the reality of it all. He was an octopus, pretending to be a human, now falling in love with an actual human, who was specifically known for her known hatred and bloodlust for animals. He really was in quite the pickle, wasn’t he?</p>
<p>"Well, that’s it for my little man-hating-spiel. Might come back later and say a few more things, I’m not positive yet. Oh! Right. And my horribly devious plan! I’m planning on killing you and taking over your octopus army and submarine."</p>
<p>Dave was completely zoning out, having entered full on existential crisis mode. His whole world was spinning, and everything was just horrible again. He was tormented by the thought of DuBois discovering who he really was, <em>what </em>he really was. He had been thinking about this off and on, but it was just now really settling in, and saturating his mind. Blowhole’s words hardly registered in his brains, and once he realized he was being talked to again, he snapped out of it. </p>
<p>"Wait, what did you say?"</p>
<p>"Nothing,” Blowhole quickly turned away from the submarine, but stopped midway to say one last thing. He gave Dave a warning final glance. “I’ll be seeing you around, <em>David</em>. Of course, given the human doesn’t kill you before I get the chance to. Haha! Kidding… kidding…. Have a good day, you miserable old octopus.” And with a few more dolphin chirps, Blowhole swam off, disappearing into the dark of the ocean. Dave was left to stare off into the complete desolation of the underwater world. Well, this was sort of depressing. It seemed to happen a lot though, Dave being left alone in utter silence to ponder on all of his struggles in life.</p>
<p>How right was Blowhole, exactly? Dave certainly didn’t believe all humans were evil, not by any stretch of the imagination. He knew everyone possessed some amount of corruption in them,  and that didn’t matter if you were an animal, or a human. Blowhole was just stuck on this idea that humans were the explicitly malicious ones. Did he ever look at himself in the mirror?? But… the other things he said, particularly about DuBois, they stuck with him. Haunted him. It was not easy hearing that the woman you were in love with would most likely kill you. The more he thought about it, the more he realized this was just the female octopus situation all over again. Why couldn’t Dave love anybody without them having to kill him??? Was it so hard to just be in love, and not have anything tragic and awful happen to you afterwards? </p>
<p>But still. Dave wasn’t going to give up so easily.  No! He didn’t care about what Blowhole thought, as much as it hurt to hear at first. He was blinded by his own hatred for humanity, what did he know? Was it a major bummer Dave had to pretend to be a human just to even talk to DuBois? Yeah-- but he just needed some time to figure this all out. Time to concoct the perfect plan on how he could stay with DuBois and later reveal his true glorious octopus self without her murdering him. He didn’t care what it took. He didn’t care what anybody thought, either! He had to find a way to make this all work. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing her, of being alone again. He needed this psychopath in his life. He was hell-bent.</p>
<p>Before Dave could dwell anymore on the crushing nature of reality and his many crises, he heard the bathroom door creak open. He froze, hoping she didn’t overhear that whole awkward conversation with Blowhole.</p>
<p>“Uh, Monsieur, might you have any spare clothes..?”</p>
<p>Oh. That was a relief. Well. Sort of. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>the vibe for this chapter is "sydney" by caravan palace. you're welcome</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so sorry for the delay but to make it up to you all....this is a long one.....i think it's also a perfect culmination of the chaotic energy that has been seen throughout all the previous chapters</p><p>this chapter was a collab so special thanks to my friends for helping write this one + helping out with the story in general. do check them out they are quite epic and wonderful artists too i love them dearly; their twitters are @Just_Blue_Fairy and @Cookiesneedlove</p><p>PS when it mentions the montage i was thinking bout the mr blue sky montage from megamind heeeehaaa</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"OH! Ha! Right! Right, uhm, clothes,"</p><p>DuBois was staring at him from behind the bathroom door, her fingers tapping impatiently. It was painfully obvious how irritated she was becoming. Dave was taking AGES just to respond. He was very frazzled-- his mind was bombarded with so, so much. There was a lot going on. For someone with nine brains, you’d think it might be easier. Nope. Felt even more cluttered at times, if anything.</p><p>"Clothes! Right. I have some in my room you can have. Err, here! I'll take you there!" Dave was eager and already heading that way, but he paused when he realized DuBois wasn't following. No. She was still there, peering out from behind the door. She looked baffled, maybe even offended.</p><p>"Excuse me? Are you DEAF? I just told you I do not have any clothes! I am not following you anywhere," DuBois hissed, disappearing a little more behind the bathroom door. Although clearly annoyed, she seemed embarrassed too. "Just-- just bring me some!" there were a few muttered French curses.</p><p>Right… Dave forgot humans were sensitive about those kinds of things. Bodies and whatnot. They didn’t like to be “naked.” He never really understood why, clothes seemed counterproductive if anything. Humans were just weird and secretive like that. He admired them and all of their strangeness, nevertheless. They were different in a fascinatingly stupid way. It was nice to have such a fresh perspective on life, no matter how odd.</p><p>Dave scoffed, and brushed it off as a failed attempt at humor. Nothing more, nothing less. “Pshh, I knew that,” he laughed forcefully. “Just kidding around, that’s all!”</p><p>DuBois was not amused in the slightest. Dave slumped a bit in his upright posture and sighed.</p><p>“...I’ll go get you some clothes.”</p><p>He shuffled down the submarine’s hallway, making an urgent beeline for his room. If he took too long, she’d definitely try to tear his head off and eat him or something. So, he made haste.</p><p>Rooms, rooms rooms. Why did they need so many rooms? And why did his feel so far away??? Maybe he was just disassociating again. It had been a hard couple of days. Well, no, years, really. His life was always kind of a mess. But the last two or so days had just been weird. He shook his head and picked up the pace a bit more.</p><p>Aha! There, practically at the hallway’s very end, sat his private room. A place of pity and a lot of misery-wallowing, some scheming here and there, a bit of everything really. He yanked his door open and waltzed right in. Immediately he was greeted by the familiar and comforting atmosphere of his room. The little aquarium. The wardrobe of clothing. The television he watched sappy films, nature documentaries and local news on. Oh, and the Cheesy Dibbles vending machine. It was everything he needed, really.</p><p>Dave rushed over to the wardrobe, and whipped the doors wide open. He began rifling through his outfits, most of which were just spare labcoats, pants, wigs and glasses. He did, however, have a pretty snazzy teal suit (only for the fanciest of occasions!) and a fur-coat that he wore only once. He nearly suffocated in it, it was much too hot and dry for his slimy little octopus body. Hmm… DuBois loved dead animals and all of that morbid taxidermy junk, didn’t she? Maybe a fur-coat was just what she needed! Oh; and pants. She’d probably like to have pants.</p><p>So Dave snatched the fur-coat from its hanger as well as a pair of black pants, and bolted out of his room. His gangly “legs” only went so fast, but he was sure he made it back to the conn in record time. He skidded in, his shoes slipping on the endless trails of octopus slime and water. The submarine wasn’t really meant for running. To humans, the entire floor was a lawsuit waiting to happen.</p><p>“Ta-da!” Dave announced himself, triumphantly holding up the clothes. He was panting, trying to regain his breath from all that speedy running. “Fast, wasn’t I??”</p><p>DuBois raised an eyebrow, eyeing the small pile of clothes in Dave's arms. The fur-coat definitely caught her attention. She inched out ever so slightly, but made sure she was still safely concealed by the bathroom door.</p><p>"What is that?" She prompted with legitimate intrigue. "Wolf? Fox? Mink? Rabbit? Lynx? Chinchilla? What?”</p><p>At first, Dave had no idea what she was talking about, but he soon realized she had been referring to the fur-coat. Oh! What animal was it made from! Of course! Uh, hm… Dave wasn’t sure if he even knew. He examined the coat for a minute, then stopped.</p><p>“Ehm, well, what would you prefer it to be?” he asked casually.</p><p>There was a short time of silence as DuBois actually considered it.</p><p>“A wolf would be okay.”</p><p>“Oh, what a coincidence! It’s--” Dave glanced at the coat again. He held it out, extending it towards her with a gleeful smile on his face. “--Wolf! How fantastic!”</p><p>Dave wasn’t sure if DuBois bought it entirely, but regardless she seemed quite eager about the coat. When she ripped the fur-coat and pants from Dave’s “hands,” he could see the adoration in her eyes. Dave stood there awkwardly as he watched DuBois, who was so fixated on the coat that she remained standing there, just staring at it. It wasn’t until Dave cleared his throat that she snapped out of it. She said something incomprehensible, and slammed the bathroom door shut.</p><p>It took only a few minutes, Dave in the meantime snapping his gloves and fixing himself up a bit. He noted the dirt stains on his labcoat and decided he probably should change as well. Eh… later though. Right now, he was too busy loyally waiting for Miss DuBois!</p><p>Suddenly, the bathroom door creaked open, drawing Dave’s full attention. A heavenly glow surrounded DuBois as she stepped out-- AKA, the bathroom’s bright white light-- and Dave was aghast. There was a ghoulish sort of look to her, but in a beautiful way. Like a porcelain doll. The chocolate brown and creamy white fur-coat complemented her greatly. The pale skin and newly washed red curly hair really just completed the look. She was just as gorgeous as she was deadly. Dave thought he might just die right there.</p><p>“The pants are a little tight,” DuBois sniffed as she ran her hands over the coat’s fur. She was trying to brush off her own excitement, and Dave wondered if she really was afraid to be happy, or show any other emotion at all, honestly. Sometimes, you just got so used to misery and drudgery. It was scary to feel anything else. Dave understood that completely.</p><p>“...But it is not a bad outfit…” DuBois finished.</p><p>Dave beamed.</p><p>“Well, Madam, I think you look absolutely enchanting,” Dave cooed, anxiously rubbing his “hands” together. He hardly got the words out. Poseidon almighty. She looked so WONDERFUL! He had never really seen her without all the blood and dirt. And that coat was just lovely. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. He felt mushy inside, and suddenly, he wasn’t sure for how much longer he’d be able to stand. He was shaky!</p><p>
  <em>“She captures and kills animals everyday without even batting an eye, and you think you’re somehow going to be different?”</em>
</p><p>Blowhole’s warnings echoed in Dave’s mind, but ultimately, to no avail. Everything else (ESPECIALLY his common sense, or what was left of it) melted away when he looked at her. When he was just there with her, in general. He’d figure this all out...eventually. Sort out all of these complicated feelings and morals later. Later, as in he'd probably just keep pushing it off until he hopefully forgot about it.</p><p>DuBois didn’t say anything in response, but she looked flattered. At least a little bit. Maybe. Hopefully. The last thing Dave wanted to do was to upset her.</p><p>“Where again did you say I was staying, Monsieur?” she changed the subject quickly, and marched past Dave. He stared after her, still trying to gather himself mentally.</p><p>“Whuh-- uh, oh, right! Yes! Here, right this way, please, haha,” Dave was particularly clumsy, still struggling to focus. His “legs” slipped all over the place as he led DuBois out of the conn. Why did he feel so weak?? He felt like jello more than he usually did! He tried to play it cool, laughing awkwardly as they walked. “Slippery and slimy, isn’t it?”</p><p>DuBois glared at him suspiciously. With hesitance, she nodded. “Very.”</p><p>Eventually, Dave regained full control of all of his limbs, that weak feeling much more manageable and minimal now. He could walk like a relatively normal person again, no longer feeling like he was being held up by poles of jello. Still, he felt odd, and mushy inside. What was that thing people said? Something about having butterflies in your stomach? That’s how Dave felt, but only if the butterflies were replaced with cicadas.</p><p>"Who were you talking to earlier?" DuBois spoke up as they walked. Dave silently cursed Blowhole. Drat. He should have been more careful talking to that wretched sea mammal! Ugh. He was so annoying..</p><p>“Come again?” Dave was hoping maybe he could just make her forget if he acted stupid enough.</p><p>But DuBois on the other hand was not stupid. Her tone became cold.</p><p>“Earlier, when I was in the restroom. I heard you talking. Who were you talking to?”</p><p>That certainly didn’t work. Well. Plan B. Dave gave her a reassuring smile.</p><p>"Oh! Haha! Nobody at all," he swallowed. "Just practicing my….vocabulary." Who says that??? There were a million different lies out there he could have used, and he chose arguably the worst.</p><p>He could have swore he heard Blowhole's stupid chirpy laugh somewhere outside the sub.</p><p>Lucky again for Dave, he already seemed like such a freak, there really wasn’t anything that was too far out of the realm of possibility for him. DuBois still looked suspicious, but for whatever reason, she chose to leave it alone. Phew. Admittedly, Dave was kind of relieved when he realized they had finally reached her room.</p><p>“Ah, here we are!” he grinned, and grabbed the handle. “Your room, Miss.”</p><p>In a great and grand gesture, Dave opened the door, and motioned a “hand” towards the room. DuBois was standing there beside him, waiting to see what exactly Dave had for her. When he flicked on the lightswitch, she was greeted by a small purple bed, a poster of an octopus, and an ice cooler full of fish. You could imagine the absolute bewilderment on her face.</p><p>Dave had honestly forgotten about the lackluster setup of their rooms. They were at least a LITTLE more complete in the original submarine. Not to mention, they were typically meant for octopus henchmen who just needed a rest. But…. this would work! It was better than sleeping out in the forest… probably.</p><p>“...Iiiiit’s a work in progress,” he assured her. “We are still...decorating.”</p><p>She gave him a doubtful glance. “Your taste in interior design is impeccable,” DuBois remarked sarcastically. “But, there is a bed, and that is all that matters, right?”</p><p>Score! It wasn’t a complete disaster!</p><p>Dave laughed nervously, watching DuBois as she entered the room. She was taking a good look around, exploring the small space. She brushed her hand against the bed, and then looked up at the octopus poster.</p><p>“If there is anything you need, Madam, anything at all, just let me know…” he piped in, his voice quiet, and gentle.</p><p>DuBois froze where she was, standing before the octopus poster. She ran a hand over it as well. She never turned to face Dave.</p><p>“I think I will rest for some time.” She said simply.</p><p>Dave was simultaneously disappointed yet grateful. He hated having to go back to being bored and alone again for a while, but at the same time, he felt like he could use some alone time too. There was a lot of deep thinking to be done… as always.</p><p>“Oh, of course!” he stepped away from the door backwards. He quickly added, “I hope you rest well, DuBois.”</p><p>Classic silence. So he began to walk towards the hallway.</p><p>Now, Dave was just about to shut the door behind him, when a surprisingly soft voice stopped him. He turned around and saw DuBois there, standing behind him at the room’s entrance.</p><p>“Doctor Brine,” he wasn’t used to her sounding so… calm. So non-hostile. So sweet.</p><p>Dave looked around uneasily, and then back at her.</p><p>“..Yes?”</p><p>The very last thing he had expected was for DuBois to place her hand on his arm. And yet, here she was, doing just that. AGAIN. But this time, she didn’t recoil, or anything like that. There was no one there to interrupt it. She even gave him a reaffirming squeeze, and in return, all Dave could do was stare down at her hand in wide eyes. He was being battered by a plethora of feelings. He had NO idea what to do. He couldn’t believe it.</p><p>“Thank you.” Her uncharacteristically gentle tone was jarring, but in a pleasantly surprising way. Dave had a feeling he was seeing a side of her she didn’t usually show. Call it a hunch.</p><p>He stumbled greatly with his words, and only managed to get out a stuttery “You’re welcome, Miss DuBois.”</p><p>Her hand lingered there for some time, Dave trying to keep his composure and DuBois just staring at him. He felt like she was looking right through him, or was at least trying. What exactly did she see when she looked at him? Hopefully not an octopus. Maybe just a pitiful excuse for a man.</p><p>For a moment there, Dave thought he saw the faintest hint of a smile on her face, the smallest, most insignificant trace of happiness. But, as soon as he noticed it, DuBois’ expression immediately went back to being cold and emotionless. Almost as if he had caught her doing something shameful, and she had to cover it up as quickly as possible.</p><p>“Now-- leave me alone.” The sudden and abrupt return of her usual sharp tone snapped Dave right out of his trance. DuBois was quick to pull away from Dave and slam the door shut with no other words. He was still standing there, paralyized, staring blankly at her door. He just stood there, speechless, and more conflicted than ever. He tentatively rubbed his arm, specifically the spot where DuBois’ hand had been. Today’s events would haunt him for a very long time. But needless to say, Dave greatly anticipated the days stretched before him. In fact, he could sense a musical montage coming on...........</p><p>…</p><p>The next several weeks of Dave's life were both bizarre and extraordinary. Ever since DuBois’ initial arrival at the base, things had been remarkably different. Dave’s thoughts were ultimately consumed by none other than the animal control officer herself. She had become a necessity to him, and this was becoming more and more apparent every passing day she remained with them. The henchmen could see this, and increasing concerns rose up among them.</p><p>While they labored away with the construction of docks and hangars, Dave was always elsewhere, occupied with DuBois. They made great progress-- successfully assembling several docks and an entire hangar within the few weeks they’d been there, while other buildings were on the way. But Dave scarcely checked in with his fellow cephalopods, given he was too “busy.” His priorities had been completely rearranged.</p><p>As hard labor went on for the henchmen, Dave and DuBois enjoyed classic leisurely activities. Enjoyable pass-times such as death machine trial runs, lemur hunting, taxidermy lessons, culinary arts, cable television, political discussions and card games. That was just to name a few. It was genuinely surprising how they managed to keep themselves so entertained. Dave needed constant cognitive activity, so it was great that DuBois was such a busy-body. The two hardly sat still, they were always doing something. Dave was honestly surprised they got along so well. DuBois seemed to be warming up to him. She threatened to kill him a lot less now. That was what Dave called progress. She tolerated him. She told him one day, face to face. They were out scouting the rainforest’s outskirts, and she turned to him and said, “You know, Monsieur, I find you quite tolerable. Some of the time.” WOW! That was all he ever wanted.</p><p>The henchmen could only watch in horror as DuBois and Dave grew closer, unable to do anything about it. Who were they to speak up against their leader, and even more so with a person as terrifying as Chantel DuBois? It was fortunate for them that their concerns did not go unheard, however, as Dr. Blowhole’s many watching-eyes relayed this valuable gossip back to him. The pot was indeed being stirred, and Dave didn’t even fully realize it. He was oblivious to how disgruntled his henchmen were becoming. He forgot that he was really the only animal there who actually liked human beings.</p><p>And yet, despite his many warnings, Dave chose to ignore Blowhole and all of his advice, even when he resurfaced several more times to deliver yet even more repetitive threats. Dave just got better and better at blocking him out though, and when DuBois eventually caught sight of that dolphin freak, Dave simply told her he was just a nuisance of a sea mammal harassing him for fish. She had rather blatantly offered to “take care of it,” but Dave assured her it was no real problem. Truthfully, he didn’t want Francis dead. He was annoying, sure! But death was never something he wished on him. He pitied him, if anything. He sure wished he’d just leave though. It got very annoying! And those seagulls, eugh. It was difficult to have any real privacy, there was always a feeling that someone or something was there, watching. And that was a true and valid assessment.</p><p>So, as the days went on, henchmen were growing increasingly concerned, construction progress was being rapidly achieved, Blowhole was being an annoying stalker, and Dave was becoming more and more infatuated with DuBois every moment. It was all coming together to form the perfect storm. It could only go downhill from here.</p><p>One morning, while the two were engaged in an intense match of Go Fish, Dave noticed that something was up. Unusual. Unordinary. Weird. Specifically, with DuBois. Generally always sharp and on-her-feet, today the feral animal control officer appeared distracted, and distant. Not fully there, her mind obviously elsewhere. Somewhere that was not this game of Go Fish…</p><p>Dave was beginning to get worried. Had he done something wrong? Was she upset? Was Go Fish not as fun as he thought it was??? In all of the many days she had been there with him, he had never seen her so absentminded. He had seen angry, furious, upset, annoyed, irritated, agitated, really just about every form of anger there was. She was even flattered and flustered on the occasion, but that one was far more rare. As he had learned, she was very stubborn about showing really any emotion other than pure, primal rage. Dave considered it a real treat anytime he managed to get a peek inside that cold little heart of hers. She was a very closed up person.</p><p>During all of Dave’s deep thinking and pondering on what might be troubling sweet sweet DuBois, she suddenly spoke up, and snatched Dave right out of his thoughts.</p><p>"Monsieur,” she began. The first thing Dave noticed was how she sounded almost kind of nervous. There was a hesitancy in her tone that he couldn’t quite pin down, but it was HIGHLY unusual for her. It made him listen all but the more intently. In fact, he was leaning very, very forward in his chair, his hands folded politely on the table. This probably made it worse, honestly.</p><p>“...I was just curious if you would perhaps be interested in going on a little…” DuBois trailed off, a conflicted look befalling her face.</p><p>Dave raised an eyebrow. And he listened HARDER.</p><p>"A little....?" He exhorted her, leaning even closer. There was a tangible sense of discomfort in the air.</p><p>"I wanted to go on a…" But again, the right words evaded her. Simply not in her reach. She was starting to get frustrated now, visibly upset with herself and her failure to communicate something that was surely so simple. Dave was on the edge of his seat waiting to see what she was trying to say. Literally. He had scooted forward so much he was barely even in his chair anymore.</p><p>"You wanna go on…" Dave felt like they were playing a weird game of Mad Libs now.</p><p>"Monsieur-- I was asking if you might be interested in going on a…" She cringed and cleared her throat. Her fingers were digging into the table's surface. They made visible marks. How did she do that??</p><p>Dave smiled in complete and utter confusion.</p><p>"...What? Another submarine tour? Oh dearest DuBois! If that's what you want then--!"</p><p>DuBois slammed her fists on the table, several Go Fish cards fluttering to the floor in response. Dave shut up real quick, and even shrunk back into his chair.</p><p>"Doctor Brine," she said quickly, and in a low, cautious sort of hiss. Uh oh. "I would…... like to fly somewhere in one of your helicopters."</p><p>Dave lightened up. "Oh! Really? Well, I'll gather up the boys and--"</p><p>"NO," DuBois immediately cut him off. Her voice became quiet. "Just… with you."</p><p>It felt like someone had stabbed him right in the stomach. Just with you… he felt mushy again.</p><p>...What on Earth was that supposed to mean?! She was deliberately asking to go somewhere with him ALONE? All the way 100% ALONE???</p><p>"You mean… just the two of us?" Dave echoed in a small, fascinated whisper. Okay, sure it had been "just the two of them" for some weeks now, but it had never been "JUST the two of them." Did that even make any sense? Probably not. The point was, Dave's henchmen were basically everywhere, and so were the many prying eyeballs of Dr. Blowhole. Literally, as they were speaking, henchmen were filing in and out of various places. Most of them threw Dave some worried glances, but they all avoided eye contact with DuBois.</p><p>Come to think of it, they had never actually gone anywhere off the island, much less, together. So DuBois seemed to be proposing something brand new, and Dave was all ears.</p><p>"Yes," DuBois seethed. "Just us. I thought perhaps we could take a break from all of....this." She motioned towards the submarine chamber they resided in, and the four octopuses playing poker nearby. Dave tilted his head.</p><p>"A break..." He said to himself thoughtfully. He was awfully cooped up in his submarine… and he had just barely escaped a snowglobe for crying out loud! Maybe he did need a little break from all of... this.</p><p>"Well….a little break would certainly be wonderful but-- what about..." He gazed over at his henchmen, who scrambled instantly to hide the cards under his nice coffee table rug, and got back to carrying boxes, while muttering in their weird language something that was probably supposed to be innocent whistling. They still had to set up some essential installations.</p><p>DuBois' eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "Surely your 'pets' could manage themselves and the submarine for a measly few days..?"</p><p>There were a few offended gurgles from passing henchmen. They had grown used to being referred to as pets ever since DuBois' arrival (Dave had a facade to keep up after all!) but they still despised it. It only added to the rising tensions.</p><p>But, what DuBois had said was true. What was the harm in leaving the henchmen alone for a short time? They were smart. They knew what to do, and Dave trusted them. Even if they were kind of disgruntled at the moment, Dave didn't really notice anyways.</p><p>"I guess you're right!" Dave marveled, tapping his chin. "So this is some sort of little field trip, then?"</p><p>Now DuBois just lost it.</p><p>"<em><em>ESPÉCE DE PUTE STUPIDE!</em></em>" She snapped. "I AM ASKING YOU ON A--" and there she went again. She clutched her face as if the words caused her physical pain, and groaned. She couldn't bring herself to finish that sentence, it seemed. Dave sat there, staring at her with a look that said he still had no idea what was going on. DuBois was usually so articulate...</p><p>"Yes. Fine. Whatever. 'A field trip.' Let's just call it that.” She sighed and stared shamefully down at the table.</p><p>Dave leapt up from his seat immediately, and was already poised for the exit. “Miss DuBois, that sounds absolutely lovely! Why don't we head out right now??”</p><p>DuBois gawked at him.</p><p>“Wh-- aren't you going to pack anything Monsieur?"</p><p>"Of course! OH! I'll need my jug of water!" Dave grinned.</p><p>She was just absolutely speechless. The bigger question really, was how DuBois still managed to be shocked by any of this. Dave didn’t get it, either. Surely by now, she saw what a massive freak he was! She should be used to all of this tomfoolery.</p><p>"....What about clothing? Or money? Necessities? Snacks for the flight?"</p><p>Ohh. Maybe those were important! Human things. Right.</p><p>"Pssh, aww...don’t worry about silly old me," he was quick to reassure her, and flattered, if he was honest. Did she really care that much about him?? How very kind of her! He laughed sheepishly. “You know, you’re a real sweetheart.”</p><p>Instead of retorting or saying something snappy, DuBois just gave up, and let it happen. Her face softened, and her shoulders slumped in what could only be described as utter defeat. Maybe it was the crushing reality of what her life had become. Succumbing to this clown of a man, or… well, this facade of a man, anyway.</p><p>“Just be ready within the next hour,” she said quietly. “It is best we leave while it is still early.”</p><p>“Right, right-- well I’ll get right on that, Madam!” he wasted not another second, and quickly shuffled towards the hall. He had barely taken a few meager steps when DuBois spoke up, this time in her usual loud and authoritative tone.</p><p>“I would recommend wearing something <em><em>nice</em></em> on our... ‘trip,’ Monsieur.”</p><p>Dave stopped in his tracks to turn to her. Nice? But wasn’t his silly ol’ labcoat nice enough? Well I mean, to be fair, it was still covered in a ton of dirt stains from his wild and wacky adventures with Miss DuBois from the day previous, and he DID want to look at least somewhat presentable for her on their special field trip together...</p><p>And then the wonderful epiphany hit him like a ton of bricks.</p><p>OF COURSE! His fancy teal colored suit was still hanging in his bedroom closet. This was the absolute perfect opportunity to show it off!</p><p>“Oh don’t worry about outfits, Miss DuBois!” Dave said in a confident manner of speaking. “I have the perfect outfit just for the occasion~!” His last sentence echoed through the halls outside the room, as Dave’s “feet” were already moving him along towards his bedroom.</p><p>“Dieu aide moi…” DuBois muttered, staring after him for some time before she too wandered off.</p><p>The sounds of gross wet slaps and squishes echoed throughout the submarine hallways as Dave rushed to his room to get the necessary supplies for their so-called “field trip.”</p><p>Field trip…. When was the last time he had heard that word? Wait! That’s right! The children in Venice were often taken on field trips to his great grand laboratory. Boy, did he miss those days… they’d come running in hordes, all psyched up about science and marine biology and whatever else. His legion of tiny, tiny dorks. That was the closest he had ever gotten to reclaiming what he had lost at the zoo. Wait a minute-- why was he thinking about this?! This wasn’t the time for crying and moping, no! He was looking ahead to the future! The glorious future, which currently seemed to entail nothing but probably good things. Maybe some death and tragedy sprinkled throughout, who knew.</p><p>It got him thinking what exactly this specific trip was all about. What were they going to do? Where precisely were they going? Judging by DuBois’ emphasis on packing, it must have been a little ways off. But “nice” clothes? What was that supposed to mean? What kinds of places required “nice” clothes? All nine of Dave’s brains felt as if they were sharing two collective brain cells at the moment, he didn’t really have the mental capacity to figure any of it out. He was far too excited.</p><p>Really, at this point, he just wanted to do everything he could to give the elusive Miss DuBois the time of her life. It didn’t matter where they were going, or what they were doing. He, a leviathan-esque octopus, at his core was truly just a simp for this feral human woman. It was rather pathetic seeing it happen in real time, though.. But oh well! That all didn’t matter to Dave. He only cared about sweet, sweet DuBois and their totally-not-a-date field trip!</p><p>As soon as his bedroom was in front of him, Dave nearly flung the door right off of its hinges as he rushed to get to his closet. Flipping through his many labcoats, he finally caught sight of that lovely bright teal. He tore the suit away from the coathanger supporting it, while one of his free tentacles pulled down a suitcase from the top shelf. How convenient! What was there to do? Dress all snazzy, look handsome and pack a few little goodies? Easy peasy!</p><p>After a few swift motions and a concerning amount of horrible squishing noises, he was finally looking at himself in the mirror dressed neatly in his fancy suit. It fit him absolutely perfectly. Probably because it was tailor made to fit his disproportionately shaped body, much like his other clothes.</p><p>Fluffing up his curly wig and adjusting his bowtie, he tilted his head in thought for a moment. AH! His trusty water jug! Oh uh, and money, for whatever reason. Money was probably gonna be important too... It was a good thing he was practically a millionaire because he was absolutely loaded with money to spend. Mostly on important equipment for research and dirty villainous deeds, and NPR pledge drives. Other times he just spent his cash on fish and unhealthy quantities of cheeses to wallow in while he wept.</p><p>With his spare tentacles that were tucked back under his coat, he plucked his wallet from the wardrobe, stuffing it into his pocket. Nice clothes, dashing good looks, money, that was all they needed! Because therapy was overrated, anyway! He stared at himself in the mirror and crooned.</p><p>“And what a handsome octopus you are!” He praised himself, tugging at the collar of his suit. He then did a sharp 90 degree turn on his “heels” as he made his way towards the suitcase that was lying on his table waiting for him. Packing was not so difficult for him, he really only had a million labcoats and wigs. His personal belongings were lackluster, if you weren’t counting the massive submarine and such. So this was easy. He’d just toss some labcoats in there along with his water jug, a few bags of Cheesy Dibbles and bam! All done! Packed in… just a matter of seconds!</p><p>As Dave power walked his way back to DuBois, he had a great deal of confidence in his stride. Determination pulsed through his veins. His happy smile spread wide across his face as he began to think of all the things he and dear DuBois would do together. The possibilities were endless. Literally ANYTHING could happen. It felt as if for once in his sad, pathetic life, he was really starting to be happy. It wasn’t such a rare occurrence anymore. DuBois changed everything.</p><p>Arriving back in the main chamber, Dave was eager to see her face again, but the only thing he saw was the table and a mess of Go Fish cards. Several henchmen were scooping them up in their tentacles and cleaning up the mess. They burbled quietly as they watched their leader walk right on past them. Gossip was hot.</p><p>Dave darted onto the submarine's elevator-like platform, impatiently button mashing the control panel while his other "hand" clutched his suitcase. C'moooon! Why was this taking so long?? He had places to be! DuBoises to see!</p><p>It was an entire excruciating twenty seconds before the platform finally took him to the submarine tower. There, he crawled out of the hatch, and the cool morning air greeted him. It was a nice, blissful moment.</p><p>Dave felt incredibly majestic up there, looking all prepped up, suitcase in hand. Well, until he promptly slipped and fell right off. He landed with a very wet and awful plop on the docks below. His suitcase landed beside him, perfectly upright and unscathed in a very comedic and ironic fashion.</p><p>"Ow," he groaned, a tangled spaghetti-like arm reaching forward to straighten his glasses. He unraveled himself and jumped back up, deciding to pretend none of that ever happened. He hoped DuBois didn't see that.</p><p>"Monsieur?" Her distant call drew his attention to the hangar, where he saw DuBois standing. She was beside one of the helicopters, arms crossed tightly over her chest, waiting expectedly. Oh NO. She totally saw it.</p><p>Dave took a few very concerningly long strides across the docks and white sand with his abnormally stretchy "legs." He stopped right in front of DuBois, who was understandably giving him a slightly frightened look after witnessing this man stretch his "legs" a good three feet wide. Dave gave her a wide smile, showing off his horrifying teeth. His joyful face was quite the contrast to DuBois' distraught expression.</p><p>“What a colorful outfit you are wearing, Monsieur… it suits you.”</p><p>“Aww, thanks! Say, you got ready quick!” Dave blinked as he noticed her empty arms. “What are you bringing?”</p><p>“Nothing,” she said flatly. “I do not have anything to bring but this coat, my six senses, and weapons. They are all I need. Hm, we may have to share our wardrobe. Did you pack extra outfits?"</p><p>Dave thought about the several pairs of labcoats he brought. Haha… yeeaaaaaah… other outfits...</p><p>Wait-- did she say six senses? Nevermind. He didn’t want to think about it. Some things were best left unknown.</p><p>"I sure did," Dave answered, still thinking about the lack of diversity in his wardrobe.</p><p>"And money?" DuBois gave him a doubtful look.</p><p>“Absofruitly!" he slapped his suitcase and nodded towards the helicopter. “But… you’re sure we won’t need some of my-- uh-- octopuses to pilot it?”</p><p>The henchmen nearby perked up upon hearing this, prepared to heed Dave’s orders. Such a hope was short lived though, because DuBois was quick to shut that idea down again.</p><p>“No need,” she said firmly. “I can handle it.”</p><p>Disappointed, the surrounding henchmen left, wondering if they’d ever go anywhere with their boss ever again. Dave watched them go, calling after them, “Oh-- well, don’t worry boys! I’ll be back shortly!”</p><p>He turned back and stared at DuBois with a look of pure perplexity. He slowly raised a “finger” as he tried to find the words to respond.</p><p>“Hold on-- you can... Handle this?” Dave echoed DuBois’ words and leaned in a little. “Do you know how to fly aircraft??”</p><p>Maybe that was a stupid question. Honestly, what COULDN’T this woman do? He probably should have known better. It was foolish of him to doubt this woman. She was just powerful.</p><p>“Of course I do,” she hissed, sounding almost offended. She clambered into the cockpit and disappeared. Dave was about to follow her in, but the cry of a seagull distracted him. It was there he realized a few of Blowhole's seagulls were perched nearby, stalking them as usual. So before Dave entered the chopper he paused and stared at his "hand." Which human finger was it that meant that one obscenity? That one rude word? He couldn't remember so he just picked a random one, slipping into the helicopter as he gave the seagulls his little goodbye gesture. Note, he did not pick the right finger, and it made absolutely no sense at all. But he tried. He was really starting to despise those pesky seagulls.</p><p>When Dave slid into the cockpit, he saw DuBois there, already all set up and prepped at the pilot’s seat. His remaining doubts were vanquished when she started working at the controls as if it were second nature or something. In no time at all, the rotor blades were whirring, and the machine was rumbling with life.</p><p>“I-- how do you know how to--”</p><p>“Fly a helicopter?” DuBois interrupted as she side-eyed Dave. “Gyumri, Russia. I was taught a lot there. But that is all I’m legally allowed to say.”</p><p>Interesting… he wasn't entirely sure what that meant but still… interesting.</p><p>Dave sat down slowly in the co-pilot seat as DuBois spoke, his eyes glued to her. How was it possible that one human could do so many things no other human he’s seen could do? She was so wild, so free! So.. So perfect…</p><p>It wasn’t until DuBois shot him a glare when he realized he was beginning to stare a little too long, which prompted Dave to tear his gaze away from DuBois. He looked out the window instead. Out there, he saw his henchmen clearing a way, looking up at the helicopter with great sadness.</p><p>Dave did feel guilty for leaving his henchmen completely alone again, but he was sure they’d be fine. It’d just be two or three days, right? They could handle that! It’s not like the sadistic dolphin mastermind that had been stalking them ever since their arrival was an actual threat or anything. No, Dave severely doubted that. More likely, he was too preoccupied with his own affections to really care. Everything else had seemed so insignificant to him at the moment. It was bordering on dangerous. Love really was blinding.</p><p>The helicopter finally rolled out from the hangar, promptly taking off to the sky and leaving the island base behind. Dave watched through the glass as Madagascar got smaller and smaller, his henchmen just little working ants. He'd make it up to them when he returned. Maybe they could have a little celebratory ocean party or something.</p><p>When Madagascar was finally nothing more than an indistinguishable splat of color on the horizon, Dave turned back to DuBois. She was piloting this thing like it was no big deal. Really no issue whatsoever.</p><p>"So…. Where exactly are we headed?" He finally asked. He was both terrified and excited, which was pretty normal for him these days.</p><p>"You will see." And that was all DuBois told him. He supposed he'd just have to suck it up and wait. Anticipation was fun (most of the time) so it didn't bother him too terribly. To compensate for the lack of information, he simply ran over a million different scenarios in his head. Daydreaming of all the things that could happen. It was bound to be interesting.</p><p>…</p><p>Sparse conversation was made during their flight, as both members seemed particularly wrapped up in their own thoughts. There was definitely a sort of conceivable anxiety among them, whether or not they'd like to admit it, it was clear they were both nervous. Who was more so? It was hard to tell. DuBois was such an expert at concealing her emotions, her face almost always impossible to read. But Dave had a sense. She was remarkably concentrated, and just had an overall peculiar, unfamiliar aura about her. Dave could feel something was especially different with her tonight.</p><p>Dave was obviously nervous, although his excitement was far more strong. He was going on a private trip! With DuBois! The lovely perfect animalistic human DuBois! It couldn't get any better than that. With her odd demeanor however, it did make him wonder what exactly was going on.</p><p>There had been plenty of time to think over these emotions, as they had been flying for ten or so hours. Dave had lost track. The sky was dark now, evidence of their many hours traveling.</p><p>Every passing minute made him more and more curious. More and more anxious. Eager. All of those things. The helicopter had passed over both land and sea, the desolate and the populated. All sorts of sights. It was a beautiful flight, and although they talked little on the way, Dave still felt as if they were bonding, somehow.</p><p>Soon, he began to recognize some of the places, and there was a growing sense of familiarity and wistfulness. So many human cities he had been through, but he recognized one place in particular. As they approached it, Dave felt an intense rush of nostalgia. He was in disbelief. He knew this place like the back of his tentacle.</p><p>"We are here." DuBois announced as she scanned the area around them.</p><p>"Venice!?" Dave cried joyfully, aggressively slamming his face up against the window. "Oh! Venice! It's been so long…"</p><p>He looked at DuBois with a wide wobbly smile on his face as he clutched his "chest." He sniffled, as if it was the most touching thing anybody had ever done for him.</p><p>"You took me to Venice?" He sounded like he wanted to cry. DuBois maintained a relatively emotionless expression.</p><p>"I have been here on a job a few times," she explained. "So when you babbled on and on about your old laboratory here and all of that science garbage, I thought it might be a nice place for a--" she stopped herself.</p><p>Dave cocked his head, waiting for her to finish. But she never did. She just looked angry, and red. Flustered, again. What was going on with her?? He just couldn't understand it.</p><p>"You frequented Venice a lot in these things, no? Where did you usually land?" She asked him suddenly.</p><p>"Ah! We had a special helipad near the water, where the sub was usually docked! Uhhh…." Dave's eyes roamed around the watery city of Venice. "W-well, it's somewhere, big, purple, octopus-like..." It had been a little while.</p><p>DuBois gave him a trivial glance.</p><p>"You mean like that?" She gestured towards a giant purple helipad with an octopus on it. It was next to the sea, where various boats and things were docked. Well. That was easy.</p><p>"Precisely."</p><p>It did not take DuBois long at all to land the chopper, Dave complimenting her skills once more as she did. Their landing caught the attention of nearby civilians, as nobody had seen or heard a single thing of Dr. Brine in many weeks, now. He was a practical celebrity, especially there in Venice.</p><p>"Now, let's go." DuBois said vociferously, immediately getting up from her seat and exiting the helicopter. Dave was frantically trying to unbuckle his seatbelt. Why was she so fast?! As soon as he was free, he snatched up his suitcase and rushed to DuBois' side.</p><p>Venice. What a gorgeous place it was. And so very perfect for an octopus in disguise! Come on, look at all that water! It was glorious. Dave took a moment to let it all sink in-- the brisk night air, the illuminated city, the glittering ocean, the humans. It was all here.</p><p>There was murmuring from the people closeby, no doubt, expressing their shock at Dr. Brine's resurgence. And who was this gorgeous woman at his side?? She looked familiar too. Like, as if she was wanted for the attempted murder of several zoo animals or something like that…</p><p>Dave found himself gawking at those people in the distance, and waving at them. Memories were flooding back of all those autograph signings, speeches and paparazzi invasions. Eugh. The paparazzi were a bit too much attention, even for Dave. And that was saying a LOT!</p><p>"Monsieur?" Dave realized DuBois had been talking to him. He shook his head and smiled apologetically at her.</p><p>"Oh! I'm so sorry, Miss, it's just-- it's been a long time since I've been..." He motioned at their general surroundings, and sighed blissfully. They had done nothing, and he was already having a wonderful time.</p><p>DuBois took note of the civilians, and grabbed onto Dave's arm. She gripped onto it tightly, and began tugging him away from the chopper. He grinned giddily at the sight of her hand on his arm-- AGAIN!</p><p>"This way, Doctor." How formal! He liked it!</p><p>"Oh? Where are we going??"</p><p>But DuBois wouldn't answer him.</p><p>Now, contrary to what Dave expected, DuBois did not lead him through the city via gondola. Instead, they took an oddly secretive route, snaking through alleyways and between buildings. It was kind of thrilling. The most secretive way Dave had ever traveled in Venice was through the canals and sewer pipes! Several more times, Dave asked where they were going, but DuBois was apparently determined to keep it a surprise.</p><p>Finally, the two stopped in an especially ominous looking alleyway, lined with bags of garbage. The smell was atrocious. DuBois grinned with what Dave assumed was triumph. It was a pretty villainous smile, so he wasn't all too sure.</p><p>"We're here." DuBois said quietly, that sinister grin still sprawled over her porcelain face.</p><p>Dave thought he was missing something. His eyes dashed around the alleyway as he tried to make sense of his surroundings.</p><p>"Were here!" Dave repeated with all of the enthusiasm he could muster. After a few moments of admiring the trash, he added, "...What is 'here,' exactly?"</p><p>Without warning, DuBois grabbed his "hand," and Dave felt a wave of electricity course through his entire body. Did… she just… hold his hand? He was going to go crazy. She was holding his hand… she was holding his hand… She was holding his hand...</p><p>"Let me show you," her voice was a dangerously pretty little whisper. "I think you will enjoy this."</p><p>She pulled him towards a brick building, squished between two other buildings. There were no windows, only a large iron door.</p><p>Dave gave DuBois an unsure, slightly worried smile.</p><p>She rapped her knuckles a few persistent times on the door. Much to Dave's surprise, a deep voice from within responded. He had a thick European accent. Or… something like that? Based on Dave’s extensive knowledge, he discerned that... he had no idea where that man came from. What? He’s a geneticist, not a linguist!</p><p>"Very sorry! Building is closed! Come back later! Thank you!"</p><p>DuBois rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Bozhidar, it's Chantel DuBois."</p><p>There was silence. Then the peephole on the door slid open, revealing a pair of squinty eyes. The voice spoke, "Oh? Yes? Then tell me…! All animals are equal..."</p><p>And Dubois finished with "But some animals are more equal than others."</p><p>What a weird thing to say. Wasn’t that in some sort of book? </p><p>The peephole closed as quickly as a shutter in a camera, and a moment later, the metal door opened with a metallic whine. Dave grit his teeth at the horrid sound.</p><p>In the doorway stood a man too big to fit through them. He had gnarled teeth, and stubble on his huge chin. He was holding a meat cleaver big enough to chop Dave’s head clean off. Also, he didn’t wear a shirt under his stained apron. Ew. Who was this freak??</p><p>"Kapitan DuBois! What a sight for sore eyes! And…" The eyes locked onto Dave, and squinted. "<em><em>Ohh</em></em>? Do Bozhidar's eyes deceive him? Is that <em><em>Doctor Octavius Brine? </em></em>Much too popular. What business does he have here?"</p><p>Dave raised a “finger” to defend himself, but DuBois was way ahead of him.</p><p>"Calm yourself, mon ami. He's with me. I would not be so foolish as to bring an enemy here," DuBois explained rather icily. Dave felt all mushy inside again. He loved when she said stuff like that! He's with me. Why was that just so wonderful?!</p><p>"I brought him here for a...” as she grappled with the rest of that sentence, she made an odd gesture with her hands. Bozhidar's eyes darted from DuBois to Dave, and popped wide open.</p><p>"<em><em>Really</em></em>?” Bozhidar gasped. His eyes were skeptical, and he looked Dave up and down. This was getting weird very fast. Err, weirder. “Kapitan never really struck Bozhidar as someone who cared about those sort of mooshy-gooshy things. And what interesting man to pick. Massive weirdo, no? Haha! Have you seen him on the television before? Very strange man!”</p><p>Again, Dave wanted to defend himself. Was he a massive weirdo? Alright, yes, but did he really have to say it?</p><p>More importantly, Dave was trying to figure out what was the huge, creepy man implying. What did he mean by “mooshy-gooshy things”?! Did he know Dave was an octopus?! No… certainly not. He swallowed hard.</p><p>DuBois violently kicked Bozhidar in the shin, and the man yelped in pain.</p><p>She cleared her throat and turned to Dave.</p><p>“There is a lot more to Dr. Brine than what meets the eye,” she said, a remarkable gentleness about her tone. Dave’s stomach lurched for several reasons. “Looks are highly deceptive.”</p><p><em><em>Barnacles! Are they onto me??</em></em> Dave thought as he frantically looked around, excreading more goo than usual. He was full of anxiety! He couldn’t control it! He searched for a way out of here, just in case it came to that. He maybe had a chance taking on DuBois mano-a-mano, but not when she had a buff monster man with a meat cleaver on her side. Though, hypothetically, if she DID know he was an octopus, why did she bother with all this charading around? Why didn’t just grab him in a net or something the moment they were alone? It didn’t make any sense...</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Because she wanted to play with her victim, before killing them! What a cruel, evil woman!</em>
  </em>
</p><p>Golly, how he loved her. She was just awful. It was great.</p><p>“Aww, look, the Doctor is all nervous!” Bozhidar chuckled.</p><p>“W-what?? I am NOT--”</p><p>“But! Let us not delay. Come in, come in.”</p><p>And he backed away, making space for the two to enter. As he then walked off, the ground shook with each of his monstrous steps.</p><p>“Allons-y!” DuBois called after him with a smile that looked too genuine to be cruel. But Dave had no time to contemplate that, as he was then pulled into the darkness of this mysterious building.</p><p>“Oh, uhm, would you look at that, I think I need to visit the little scientist’s room!”</p><p>But the iron door slammed shut behind him immediately, killing the only source of light. Now there was only him and DuBois, and a disembodied pair of eyeballs. He had no choice but to follow her. When he felt her small hand in his again, he flinched. There, she guided him through the darkness, hand in “hand.”</p><p>“You are so tense, Monsieur.” She commented as they went through. He could only laugh skittishly in response.</p><p>Dave had nothing else but this woman now, at this very moment, and he had no choice but to trust her. He prayed along the way that he was not about to become a main menu item at a sushi bar.</p><p>Pff. Nah. Who am I kidding? Knowing my life I’d end up as the cheap appetizer nobody touches...</p><p>Expecting nothing more than his own death, he believed he saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Wow, DuBois worked fast. But no, he must’ve still been alive because DuBois there was still holding his “hand.” He felt her warmth, and his individual tentacles all wrapped up in his human clothes.</p><p>The darkness wasn’t as blinding as it was before, as there was a sudden and warm golden light, coming from the room up ahead. It filled the hallway just enough so that Dave could see DuBois’ face again,and there he saw her gorgeous blue eyes, which shone at him NOT with murderous intent, but something he didn’t know the name of. Something sweet, assuring, comforting. All of that terror and anxiety was beginning to melt away. She’s not going to kill you, Dave. No. She wouldn’t even hurt you.</p><p>“Here we are.” She told him quietly, and she dipped her head towards the golden lit room before them.</p><p>What was here? Well, looking beyond, Dave saw a small, grungy little bistro, dimly lit by an eerie-looking chandelier that hung from the ceiling. The room was filled with round tables adorned with ragged red cloths, and little orange candles. It was a strange and overall pretty dark place, the chandelier and candles really not helping much there. Dave was really digging it. Being an octopus and octopus and all, of course he adored darker settings, and places hidden from the sun’s glaring rays. He felt as if he were at the bottom of the ocean, which was, by the way, one of the greatest feelings out there. It was so cozy!</p><p>The clientele however, was far from cozy, or comfortable. Dave saw them crowded around their tables, their features illuminated by the candles’ flickering orange hue. Unlike DuBois, they DID stare at Dave with murderous intent. If this were some kids’ movie about talking animals, these guys were definitely the villains. Hunters, poachers, corrupted businessmen, and scarfaced fishermen who looked more like pirates. Bad news was written all over them, and that’s probably why Dave and DuBois fit right in. So much for being totally alone though, right?</p><p>Dave was still taking in his surroundings when Bozhidar had suddenly stepped in front of him, and obscured his view of the bistro. He was such a large man that he practically blocked all of the light, leaving Dave and DuBois in shadows once more.</p><p>“Welcome to L'Estinzione, Dr. Brine!” He gave him a big toothy grin. It was really quite threatening. Dave was about to thank him, or at least respond in some way, but Bozhidar was already leading the way, with DuBois pulling Dave towards an empty table. When he realized they were being seated at a table, he started to feel some things. This seemed… familiar… like he’d seen this somewhere… specifically somewhere on the television…</p><p>“L'Estinzione?” Dave repeated softly, looking at DuBois for further explanation.</p><p>“It was my little happy place I visited whenever I was on the occasional job here in Venice. A place where I could enjoy good cuisine and talk with like-minded people.”</p><p>“Ohh...how fun!” Dave eyed the “like-minded people,” who were all very interested in their table for some reason. Maybe it was his stunning teal suit?</p><p>“Here you are.” Bozhidar dropped their menu onto the table, and huffed. “Take your time."</p><p>"Thank you, ami…”</p><p>He grumbled something in reply, and trudged off.</p><p>Oh good. Dave was getting pretty hungry! He took a good look at the menu, his eyes scouring over it. He noticed something bizarre, and had to do a double take.</p><p>“Wait a second! These-- These are all--”</p><p>“Endangered species.” DuBois said with a wicked smile as she strongly punctuated every syllable. “Well, there is a variety. Vulnerable, endangered, critically endangered…”</p><p>As horrifying as that was, Dave soon found himself smiling in such an iniquitous manner too. He couldn’t help but admire the deviousness of both DuBois, and this place as an entirety. He’d only wished he was that clever to come up with something so terrible. “But how??”</p><p>“All you have to do is know the right people, mon cher,” she tapped the menu a few times. “Now, how about I order for the both of us?”</p><p>He wasn’t sure why those words did it specifically, but something clicked inside of Dave. The puzzle pieces in all nine of Dave’s brains finally started shifting themselves together. His brain cells were actually really functioning.</p><p>There was an overwhelming familiarity here. He swear he had seen this somewhere!</p><p>Wait…Hold on! HOLD ON!</p><p>He started to add things up.</p><p>The nice clothes…</p><p>The fancy (illegal underground endangered animal meat) restaurant…</p><p>The dimmed lights...</p><p>The whole “being alone” ordeal...</p><p>DuBois’ unusual change in mood...</p><p>The creepy people that were watching them...</p><p>There was only one possible explanation for all of that.</p><p>This was no field trip. THIS WAS A DATE!</p><p>The revelation was almost too much for Dave to handle. It started to sink in even further. A date….</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>
      <em>
        <strong>HOLY SHRIMP.</strong>
      </em>
    </strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>THIS WAS A DATE!</em>
  </em>
</p><p>At long last, Dave finally understood what was going on here. Vivid memories of all those movies and television shows came flooding back into each and every single one of his brains. A DATE! LIKE IN THE HUMAN MOVIES! That's what this was reminding him of! That's what this WAS! DuBois had taken him on a date! A date to a very sketchy most definitely illegal restaurant occupied by criminals! But why? Why? He couldn't comprehend it. Dates were for people who liked each other, but that would imply she had to like him too. That she saw some potential in him as a future mate.</p><p>It made his many hearts ache.</p><p>Had she really felt the same way? Was he so bold to assume that now? The confirmation was almost too much to handle for Dave. He hoped she couldn't notice how badly he was shaking now, mostly from sheer excitement. Again, he pushed his moral grievances aside.</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>I'm on a date! I'M ON A DATE!</em>
  </em>
</p><p>It changed everything, and suddenly, Dave had a bit more of a pep to his step.</p><p>“That would be just lovely, thank you--” he answered her finally, but stopped. This was supposed to be a date, and if he had learned anything about dates from all those human romances he had watched, it was that sappiness was key. Go sappy… or go home… That's what he decided on. It didn’t sound so great though. Kind of nasty to the ears, really.</p><p>“--Darling…” he added ever so cautiously and quietly.</p><p>DuBois looked startled for a moment. At first, Dave was worried that it had been a mistake to call her that word. But it was soon made evident by her quickly softening expression that it wasn’t a mistake at all. No. She seemed to like it. She was also probably relieved that Dave finally caught onto what was happening here. Feelings were officially being 100% reciprocated.</p><p>Recalling his sappy movie knowledge, Dave was looking to seal the deal with a cute, simple gesture. He went with one that he knew DuBois was already okay with, as to avoid death, of course. He was too nervous to do anything beyond that.</p><p>So, upon seeing one of her small hands resting on the table, he simply reached over, and placed his “hand” over hers. That was a sweet little thing to do, right? A sort of gentle and subtle way to express affirmation? Love? Care? Affection? Total and complete devotion? Whatever it was…. he was just glad she didn’t pull back, or recoil.</p><p>You could imagine all of the gawking going on in there at that time while those two psychopaths became besotted with one another. Nobody had ever seen DuBois act like that with someone before. She had always been a lone wolf, independent, caring for nothing but herself and her own ambitions. She never let her emotions seep through. She was a vicious, and efficient killer. A true hunter. What kind of man was this so-called Dr. Octavius Brine to successfully capture her heart like that?</p><p>The guests of L'Estinzione watched the two in disgusted fascination, mumbling among themselves, and gossiping. It was the hot topic of the night now. Even Bozhidar was joining in on the conversation! And he was supposed to be cooking!</p><p>One of the pirate-like fishermen whispered to a poacher beside him. “I’ll tell ya wha'! Somethin's fishy about that thar doctor feller. I jus' can’t put me finger on it...”</p><p>...</p><p>“...I can’t believe the secret ingredient was the panda all along!” Dave was laughing maniacally, stuffing a handful of dumplings in his mouth.</p><p>DuBois was poking at a mass of  mystery meat on her plate. “Well, they are called panda dumplings for a reason, Monsieur…” </p><p>It was well into the night, and the two freaks were still dining in L’Estinzione, enjoying one another’s company, discussing all sorts of terrible things, eating nearly extinct critters. Classic date activities. All in all, it was a delightful time. Dave considered this a successful date so far, although, he had never been on one, so really he wasn’t positive. And the sappy films never really went over specifics, like, what do you do if you’re on a date at an illegal and morally corrupt restaurant? That part, he just kind of had to figure out himself. The hardest part about this all was getting along with the people who surrounded them. They were clearly suspicious of Dave, but DuBois was his saving grace in such a situation. Nobody would go after him if she was with him,  surely. They obviously had a respect for her, and maybe even revererance, and fear. DuBois hadn’t shoved Dave in a cage yet, so he assumed he was still in the clear. His secret was safe for now.</p><p>But this reverence did not keep the guests from their probing. While Dave and DuBois ate and discussed with one another, and began to question Dave. No, “question” was too light of a word. It was more like “low-key interrogation.” DuBois said nothing, but watched the guests quietly while she spun a fork around in her hand as if it was a switchblade. It was a very subtle display of intimidation, so Dave was comforted in that, sort of. It was good to have DuBois on his side…</p><p>Though, it was hard to be too intimidated by these guys. They were just so comically evil looking. Even Dave was thinking <em><em>wow? Really? </em></em>But, still. He knew they were all savage animal hating and eating freaks who would have nothing more to do with Dave but beat him to death and eat him. SO, he had to be careful.</p><p>“So what exactly is your story, four eyes?” a crocodile Dundee wannabee spoke up, glaring at him. “Aren’t ya that weird doctor fella with all the squids?” </p><p>“Yeah. Isn’t your life <em><em>dedicated </em></em>to sea animals and that ridiculous science garbage? This is the last place you should be.” A rich and greasy businessman added, taking a bite from his rhino steak.</p><p>	“Shouldn't ye be helpin' poor helpless critters, nah eatin' them?” one of the fishermen griped. </p><p>	“That’s right! This is no place for a hapless do-gooder. It escapes me why the Captain would bring the likes of you,” a poacher sneered, and he looked to the others around him and snickered. “Oi, maybe the Captain’s gone SOFT!”</p><p>	Now that was definitely a major mistake on his part. A fork sailed through the air, and stuck right into the poacher’s shoulder. He yelled in anguish, staring in horror down at the fork protruding from his flesh. The guests turned their heads, and saw DuBois sitting there, looking beyond infuriated. They must have gotten the message, because they made no further comments on the situation after that.</p><p>	“Oops. I missed.” DuBois seethed, reaching for another utensil.</p><p>	Dave, however, couldn’t let their comments go. They thought he was some soft mushy do-gooding doctor! The soft and mushy part may have been PARTIALLY true, but he was so much more than that! He was probably just as every ounce angsty as they were. Although, he doubted any of them were secretly an octopus running around as a human, seeking revenge for his tragic zoo experiences… </p><p>	So he thought hard about this. How could he present his story in such a way that was not terribly suspicious?</p><p>	And then a marvelous idea hit him. </p><p>	“Oh, well, actually. I do have a story...sort of.”</p><p>	The guests turned to Dave, and even DuBois gave him an interested look, setting down her fork. Crisis averted!</p><p>He oozed out of his chair like the gelatin man he was, and did one of his stupid flips, landing on top of the poacher’s table.  A dark, dramatic and somber look befell his face. He was a master at performance arts, luckily. This kind of stuff was right up his alley. Crowds, and all of that junk.  </p><p>“Let me ask you this, gentlemen!” He surveyed the room. “Have you ever heard of Dave, from the Central Park Zoo in New York? The octopus of a thousand tricks?”</p><p>The guests in the restaurant looked at each other, confused, then shook their heads. They looked annoyed, frankly, wondering what this had to do with anything.</p><p>“Of course you haven’t… well... I.... raised him from a baby! That’s right. He was my first scientific endeavour. A real smart creature, unlike any animal ANY of you have seen. He was almost… <em><em>human.</em></em> Always wanting to learn more, always showing off before his adoring fans...” he looked at the chandelier hanging from the ceiling, imagining that for a moment, he was back there, in his roomy tank, surrounded not by hunters and poachers, but his beloved legion. But that momentarily smile turned into a scowl.</p><p>“No one remembers him…... But you know, regardless of how you feel about animals, I bet you remember the zebra who could swallow its own spit, or the adorable little penguins who can’t do anything but smile and wave!” he punctuated that last one by smiling and waving himself. His gaze rested on DuBois. “Or Alex the lion, the <em><em>King of New York City.</em></em>”</p><p>“HELL YEAH! Alex the lion!” some idiot exclaimed, imitating the famous “Roar!” pose, before he too was silenced by yet ANOTHER fork. This one didn’t hit, though, it landed in the wall, just inches from their face.</p><p>He continued on.</p><p>“For years, I have grappled with this phenomenon. Why, why has the human society been so drawn to these specific animals? Why are some praised, beloved, and protected, while the rest get nothing? I still don’t quite get it, but I know the human mind is wired to be more inclined towards the cute and the cuddly... other creatures are not so lucky. Such was the case of Dave the octopus, a very smart, beautiful, fantastic, wonderful creature. He wasn’t marketable like these other animals, no, no. As soon as something better came alone, he was thrown out like garbage… discarded like he was… nothing. Do you know what happened then?” Dave leaned over the poacher, who still had a fork in his shoulder. He and the rest of the guests shook their heads slowly, bewildered expressions on their faces. They were still trying to figure out what was going on.</p><p>“A monster was born. Did you hear that?? A mon-ster! You see, Dave was one of the smartest creatures on the face of planet Earth. I would know this-- because I mean obviously… I raised him… his intelligence far exceeded that of what was normal for any animal. He was practically human. So, one day, he escaped, probably tired of being thrown out by zoo after zoo. And where did he go?”</p><p>“Back to the ocean where he belongs!” someone piped in.</p><p>“On the contrary my friend! Dave the octopus, as we speak, is among you. Not-- not literally… but… among us-- human beings, I mean, in general… rumor has it, that after he escaped, he integrated himself into society. That’s right. He lurks among mankind, like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Unseen, and unknown. How?? He’s a master of disguise! A walking mystery! It’s a disturbing thought, isn’t it? That an animal could just do that? Well, let me tell you, that’s just scratching the surface. Dave isn’t the only animal like this. No. We suspect there are hundreds, maybe thousands more. Over the years, there has been research indicating that animal intelligence is increasing rapidly. They are forming societies of their own… plotting against the human race as we know it. But… but not all animals are opposed to mankind…. no… some… are for humanity, believe it or not… but not all of them. Ever seen a wolf with a gun? I have! It’s a very strange thing to see!”</p><p>There was a silence in the bistro as the guests pondered this, their horrifying reality of a world really beginning to sink in. Most of this was common knowledge-- yes, animals were frighteningly smart in this universe, and sentient, but they had never really addressed it as an actual problem. They had never seen it as a potential threat, a danger to the future of humanity. Dave knew this better than anyone, obviously. He had his share of encounters with the North Wind, among other organizations. He knew Dr. Blowhole-- no explanation needed there-- and he himself was a literal octopus posing as a human, stacked with cash and all sorts of wild things. </p><p>Judging by the dead silence and the mixture of disturbed, confused and ultimately bewildered faces around the room, Dave smiled and counted his little speech as a success! This seemed to become more of an ominous warning than it did any coherent backstory, but it still worked. Had he struck fear into their hearts without explicitly revealing his identity and ruining everything? He hoped so! </p><p>When he took another look at DuBois, he was surprised to see how captivated she appeared. She was standing beside their table, staring up at Dave with deeply intrigued eyes. That was a good sign, probably.</p><p>	Dave decided to finish with one last thing-- a little cherry on top.</p><p>“So then… Let me leave you all with this, gentlemen! Don’t ask me how I know this… but there is a reckoning is coming. A reckoning of the animal kingdom. And one day, mankind won’t always be on top… so just-- be wary... that’s all…” </p><p>With that, Dave slid off the table, and returned to DuBois, quite proud of his little spiel. In his wake, he had left a room full of animal-hating men, mumbling and discussing with one another about everything they had just heard. Nobody harassed Dave after that, rather more, they were too busy talking about how they might combat the inevitable animal revolution. Inadvertently, Dave had stirred a pretty big pot. And while his intentions were good-- he sincerely had tried to warn them that things were definitely going to get strange-- he honestly probably just made it worse. But really, it was none of Dave’s concern at the moment. Dave’s real gripe was with the penguins, and all those other stupidly cute looking animals. </p><p>DuBois was watching Dave from the corner of her eye, not bothering to turn her head. </p><p>“It is remarkable, the foolishness of mankind.” She observed, watching the guests as they hovered around their own tables.  “So blind to what’s in front of their very eyes, to the dangers ahead.”</p><p>Dave scoffed, and looked down at himself. “Tell me about it…”</p><p>DuBois turned to him with that unusually gentle look in her eyes. She reached up, and readjusted his bowtie.</p><p>“How about we get a roasted penguin-to-go and get out of here? I know a fine hotel.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this may unfortunately be the last chapter i get to write, unless some friend(s) of mine would like to complete this fic and write the remaining 3 or so chapters (wink wink nudge nudge)<br/>i'm working on my senior project now, and life in general is just very busy and tragically more important than madagascar fanfiction. hopefully i can find someone to finish this off, because it is NOT meant to end here. i have the rest of the story planned out, and cliffhangers to solve loooool. but yeaaaa</p><p>if you like my stuff consider following my instagram (@clownpostur) i also have a twitter underneath the same name but i don't use it anymore really. instagram is where i am active. i'd love to chat and whatever.</p>
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